Citing rising allowance costs, Gary Bettman locks his children out of the house
WESTCHESTER, CT – Saying his household could no longer keep up with the dramatic increase in money being paid toward their allowance, embattled NHL commissioner Gary Bettman took the bold s…
Man’s stroke ignored at zombie walk
TORONTO – Tragedy struck at Trinity Bellwoods Park yesterday when a man’s stroke symptoms were mistaken for a convincing zombie performance at this year’s Zombie Walk in the Park. Derek Riz…
Local man concerned that if he starts kissing horses, then where will it stop?
BIGGAR, SK – After an unexpectedly intimate moment with his prize-winning mare, Danziger, local businessman and horse breeder Wayland Price said that he feels, “uncomfortable.” “Well, Danzi…
Jen’s dating life totally inconsiderate, says ‘completely platonic’ roommate Darren
TORONTO – Darren Santos, year-long roommate to Jennifer Richards, has finally had enough of the co-ed’s active dating life. “She’s a great girl, but it’s getting to be a bit much,” said San…
Four bankers killed after giant novelty cheque bounces
MISSISSAUGA, ON – After receiving a deposit from a charity golf tournament, four Bank of Montreal employees found out the endorser had insufficient funds the hard way. Two tellers, a mortgage con…
