Our city needs to bind together and do something about the issue currently making headlines
By Catherine Del Pierro Today I would like to write about something that desperately needs all of our attention. Our city has neglected this matter for too long, whatever it is. Yes, it’s time fo…
Renegade stock clerk has big plans for aisle three
PEMBROKE, ON – Loblaws stock clerk Jeremy Brenton was quite vocal this morning with both customers and passersby regarding his “huge plans” for the store’s Aisle Three. Brenton was overheard mumb…
Master farter confused by constant rejection
MILTON, ON – Gifted tooter Josh Bibby expressed displeasure today at his inability to find a “nice girl,” despite his painstakingly-honed ability to fart on command. “I’ve tried online dati…
Report: Smoking still kinda cool if smoker attractive
BALTIMORE, MD – Researchers from the Johns Hopkins School of Medicine published a report earlier this week which finds that smoking is still kinda cool, provided the smoker in question is attract…
I’m the Champ: What is Cool?
Yesterday my bud Will asked me what a cool is, and how did I get to be so cool? I told him I’m not so cool, I just have lots of style and pinash. He said what’s pinash? I said look it…
Health Canada politely asks Canadians not to fall sick anymore
OTTAWA, ON – In a public statement made Monday morning, Health Canada officially asked Canadians if, before getting sick, they might first consider not getting sick at all. “Given the monumental …
Dog finally fucking sits when company over
WINNIPEG – Local pet owner Ricky Blinkin shocked friends and co-workers at his house party last Friday when, in a Herculean Feat, he managed to get his miniature schnauzer, Sigfried, to actually …
