Snazzy business card fails to generate clients for asshole
CALGARY, AB – Despite purchasing a set of colourful, die-cut, embossed, holographic business cards, local real-estate agent and complete asshole Derick Fineley observed no noticeable increa…
Hey Stacey I just heard a really good song we should fuck to
By Todd Isaac Stacey, you know how you’re always saying I should be more romantic? Well, I just had to call you about this really great song I heard today. It’s got an awesome beat th…
New study links depression to sharing office space with Dave
MONTREAL – According to a report released by McGill’s Institute for Mental Health, the leading cause of depression among working Canadians is shared office space with Dave Sheppard. “Nine t…
I’m the Champ: Men are from Rome, women are from Mars
A lot of people notice I’m good with ladies. They say “Hey Champ, you are so smooth, you must have slept with a hundred girls.” Now I am a gentleman and will never brag, but it’s more than two, I…
Machismo exhibited by moving furniture alone
TORONTO – Local student Jeff Saunders impressed friends at his Beverley St. apartment when he moved a 340 lbs solid oak bunk bed from one side of his room to the other, sources reported las…
Community rallies to save $9 million cocaine factory
LOS PALOS BLANCO, VENEZUELA – The atmosphere was unusually somber today in Los Palos Blanco, a small Venezuelan community located just hours from Caracas. The normally bustling town was hit…
Canada lies about age to be admitted into elite world country club
GENEVA, CH – Sources inside one of the world’s oldest and most opulent country clubs have indicated that the country of Canada may have lied about its age in order to be considered for memb…
I’m the Champ: Don’t be so fat, OK?
I was talking to a fat guy the other day and he was saying he wanted to be skinny like me. I told him he’s not so fat (you have to do that, BE CIVILIZED ABOUT FAT PEOPLE, OK?). This guy said he w…
