Rookie cop throws up like a bitch
TORONTO – In a show of total lameness, officer Danny Preston found he was unable to control his woman-like stomach at the scene of a triple-homicide cult-killing yesterday afternoon. “…
New father looking forward to son living in his shadow
SASKATOON, SK – Beaming new father Jack LaSalle was delighted to announce the birth of his son to the world, and said he was “really looking forward to seeing him spend most, if not all, of…
Arizona woman’s uterus convicted of manslaughter after miscarriage
PHOENIX, ARIZONA – Under the state’s recently passed Women’s Health and Safety Act, an Arizona woman’s uterus was convicted of manslaughter yesterday after miscarrying 3 weeks i…
University student regrets buying actual moleskin journal
MONTREAL – Jason Durant, 21, originally of Oak Ridges, Ontario, was disappointed when the “moleskine” journal that he ordered online turned out to be a journal made out of an actual mole’s …
Local dad less enthused than hoped about ‘daddy’s girl’ back tattoo
OSHAWA, ON – Ashley Moffat, 22, rushed home Sunday morning to show her father the new message of love she had carved into her skin as a birthday gift to him, only to be disappointed by his …
Unemployed Knight mourns the collapse of Canada’s questing industry
SIOUX LOOKOUT, ON – Sir Armaunthat de Soulecoute, 34, of Sioux Lookout, Ontario, described the collapse of Canada’s questing industry as a ‘tragedy of the commons’ to a gathering of the pre…
