Dozens dead after rotten green meat mistaken for St. Patrick’s Day special
ST. CATHERINE’S, ON – Well over 20 people were reported dead last night, with countless more hospitalized, after the rancid, green meat served at O’Malley’s Irish Bar and Grill was mistaken…
Democracy flounders in Egypt despite consensus on walking style
CAIRO – Protests continued in the streets of Cairo Thursday as prospects for the fledgling Egyptian democracy look increasingly bleak. Egyptian politicians and pundits alike have expressed …
Only day off this week spent doing laundry, getting divorced
EDMONTON – After working nine consecutive days to finish a lengthy report, 38-year-old Ted Bulfosky used his only day off to do his laundry and file for a divorce. “It wasn’t really my idea…
Runner-up Cardinal mildly comforted by his new washer-dryer
VATICAN CITY – Brazilian Cardinal Odilo Scherer was somewhat consoled when he received his runner-up prize of a washer and dryer after losing the papal election yesterday. “It’s alrig…
REPORT: Downward Spiral stage of Bieber’s career begins right on schedule
LONDON, UK – Nineteen-year-old megastar Justin Bieber’s career may be moving from the “golden years” to the “downward spiral” stage exactly on schedule, accord…
UPDATE: Smoke rises from conclave; cardinals red-eyed, hungry and unable to make decision
VATICAN CITY – The 115 member Cardinal Conclave in the Sistine Chapel signaled that it was unable to determine the next pope by burning a suspicious smelling substance. “Yeah, we weren’t able to …
Justin Trudeau calls for ‘fresh ideas, even fresher beats’
LONDON, ON – The federal Liberal leadership race is about bringing “fresh ideas and fresher beats,” said Justin Trudeau to supporters at an event on Monday. The charismatic Liberal MP…
CBC to replace all programming with repeats of ‘Coronation Street’
OTTAWA – In a long-anticipated move, the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation announced Monday that it would be cancelling all original and syndicated programming, and replacing it with additi…
Tornado hunter becomes the tornado hunted
SARNIA, ON – After taking the ‘Storm-mobile’ on a tour of Tornado Alley, local tornado hunter Jasper ‘Tornado’ Jackson says that his instincts tell him that he is “being stalked.” “I got to…
