Community rallies to save $9 million cocaine factory
LOS PALOS BLANCO, VENEZUELA – The atmosphere was unusually somber today in Los Palos Blanco, a small Venezuelan community located just hours from Caracas. The normally bustling town was hit…
Canada lies about age to be admitted into elite world country club
GENEVA, CH – Sources inside one of the world’s oldest and most opulent country clubs have indicated that the country of Canada may have lied about its age in order to be considered for memb…
I’m the Champ: Don’t be so fat, OK?
I was talking to a fat guy the other day and he was saying he wanted to be skinny like me. I told him he’s not so fat (you have to do that, BE CIVILIZED ABOUT FAT PEOPLE, OK?). This guy said he w…
Bob Rae sells Liberal Party at Vegas Pawn Shop
LAS VEGAS – While vacationing with family in Las Vegas earlier this week, interim Liberal leader Bob Rae appeared on the History Channel’s Pawn Stars to sell the Liberal Party of Canada. Th…
Man finally watches The Shawshank Redemption
VANCOUVER – To the relief of his friends and colleagues, local man Brett Kraftson finally watched the iconic film The Shawshank Redemption earlier this week. Kraftson finally takes the time…
Local bachelor unreasonably proud of keeping house plant alive
VANCOUVER – Local bachelor Louie Kaplansky expressed extreme pride this week, when he successfully managed not to kill a cactus he recently acquired. “I usually don’t do well with living things,”…
Heroic battle against cancer cut short by recovery
A woman’s courageous battle against cancer was cut short due to a speedy recovery, hospital doctors reported yesterday. “She’s healing quicker than expected,” explained Dr. Teeple of his patient,…
