Corporation copyrights© the term ‘copyright’©

WASHINGTON – In a surprise move, the US Supreme Court has ruled that Koch Industries has exclusive rights to the term ‘copyright’© and its use in all forms of expression. Chief Justice John…

Elizabeth May expels herself from caucus for not toeing party line

OTTAWA – MP Elizabeth May will now sit as an independent after being booted from the single-member Green Party caucus by herself earlier this morning. Green Party leader Elizabeth May said …

Gilles Duceppe found living under Quebec’s last uncollapsed bridge

MONTREAL – Structural engineers inspecting an overpass last Thursday were shocked to discover that it was still standing and mildly surprised to find former Bloc Québécois leader Gilles Duceppe c…

Local man excited the whole thing in Syria is over

MILTON – After weeks of worrying, Timothy Pond was relieved to hear the whole situation in Syria had been solved. Pond, a 46-year-old construction worker from Milton, believes the chemical disarm…

Study: Winnipeg still exists

Somewhere in Manitoba – Researchers have determined that a city once thought to be lost in the Manitoban wilderness is continuing to endure. The existence of Winnipeg [pronounced “Win-uh-pe…

Harper vows to work closely with CRA to ensure future corruption occurs only internally

OTTAWA – The Harper Government is responding to the recent Revenue Canada Agency scandal in which nearly $400,000 in rebates was issued to a member of a reputed mobster by promising to work…

BREAKING: Canada Revenue Agency will pay Canadians $500 to keep quiet about mob tax return

OTTAWA – The federal agency that oversees tax collection has promised all 35 million Canadians a nice bonus if they keep quiet about a $381,737.46 tax rebate given to former mob boss Nicolo…

Activists succeed in forcing corporation to better hide its unethical activities

After years of persistent protests, boycotts, and social media campaigns dedicated to protecting third world countries from dangerous conditions in its factories, multinational corporation Simple…

Political science major knows he could have handled Kenyan hostage crisis better

VANCOUVER – A third year political science student at the University of British Columbia is certain that the recent terrorist attack at a mall in Nairobi would have been resolved faster and…

Undergrad spends $3000 on booze to celebrate arrival of OSAP loan

PETERBOROUGH – Upon being offered a loan for his tuition fee with government aid, a third year undergraduate student celebrated with a $3,000 alcohol-fueled party. 21 year-old Owen Blais, a…