US middle school makes trip to Toronto, Canada’s capital
ASHTABULA, OH – Ashtabula middle school students left on a field trip to Toronto this morning in an effort to see the northern nation’s capital city. “I’ll tell ya, it’s m…
Jason Kenney just wants to find love, expel all refugees
According to sources on Parliament Hill, MP and Minister for Citizenship, Immigration and Multiculturalism Jason Kenney has recently been speaking more and more about his two major life goals: to…
Chicago Blackhawks dedicate Stanley Cup win to the spirits of their Native American ancestors
CHICAGO – Returning home for a Stanley Cup parade after a shocking Game 6 victory over the Boston Bruins, Chicago Blackhawks players were quick to credit the warrior spirit and enduring tra…
Michael Hastings dies in car crash
Journalist Michael Hastings sent worried emails about federal authorities investigating him and needing to go “off the radar” to cover a “big story” hours before dying in a car crash. What’s your…
Harper on Alberta floods: ‘Don’t worry, the oil is okay’
CALGARY – Prime Minister Stephen Harper reassured Canadians yesterday that Alberta’s most important natural resource, oil, had escaped significant damage from the flash floods that ha…
BREAKING: The Beaverton Live! plays tonight!
For show details visit our Facebook event page: The Beaverton Live! Purchase tickets in advance from Brown Paper Tickets.…
WEATHER ADVISORY: Municipal corruption front moves eastward
If you reside in Québec or the Maritime provinces, it’s time to take out your windbreaker and check your umbrella for crooked spokes, because a large air mass of civic malfeasance is moving…
Red and black ants engaged in racial war
Wascana Park, Regina – What started out as a dispute over a fallen popsicle, has now turned into a full fledged race war between the red ants of the community garden and the black ants of t…
Police arrest Montréal mayor for being short on police bribes
MONTRÉAL – Montréal’s mayor Michael Applebaum was apprehended this morning after falling short on his kickbacks to the police. “We gave him 24 hours to come up with more money” said Chief Inspect…
A day of reckoning will come for the tyrants at Douglas Mini-Putt and Go-Kart Track
By Mitch Clattenberg Brothers and Sisters; hark and listen as the glorious flutes of liberty herald the sacred ballet of popular uprising! We must cast off the shackles of servitude and bathe in …
