Ben Affleck starts new project detailing CIA’s battle at Vimy Ridge
BOSTON – Riding on the success of his Oscar-win with Argo, Ben Affleck has begun working on a new documentary detailing the heroic efforts of wartime CIA officers at France’s Vimy Ridge. “T…
Putin assures Russians that Space will pay for meteor attack
MOSCOW – Russian President Vladimir Putin assured the people of Russia today that Space, the all encompassing dark void comprised of billions of galaxies, supernovae, black holes and planets, wil…
Vatican green-lights ABC production of ‘Vatican’s Next Top Pope’
VATICAN CITY – Officials from the Roman Catholic church announced Monday that ABC has ordered twenty-four hour long episodes of Vatican’s Next Top Pope, a reality TV show documenting the se…
Haggis contains no horsemeat, reassures Scotland’s Food Board
EDINBURGH – Responding to public outcry and concern over the recent scandal involving traces of horsemeat found in UK beef products, Scotland’s Food Standards Agency released a statement to…
Garneau goes after Trudeau for saying ‘nothing about space’
OTTAWA- In a news conference earlier this week, Liberal leadership candidate Marc Garneau attacked current frontrunner Trudeau for trying to “land at 24 Sussex without properly configuring his on…
Woman stabs coworker over Downton Abbey spoilers
MISSISSAUGA – In reaction to hearing important plot elements from an unreleased episode of Downton Abbey, 56-year-old administrative assistant Deborah Dean lashed out at her company’s 22-year-old…
Protective dad hides mirrors from ugly son
Bill Donovan is a stay-at-home accountant, a hobbyist, and a vegetarian, but it all comes second to lovingly hiding his only son from an ugly reflection. “It was hard at first, but you get used t…
Oscar Pistorius historically overcomes all physical and moral limitations
JOHANNESBURG – Only months removed from shattering the world’s perception of physically handicapped athletes and their abilities at the London 2012 Olympic Games, Oscar Pistorius, aka The B…
‘Just leave the report by my taser’ says RCMP to Human Rights Watch
OTTAWA – RCMP instructed Human Rights Watch to leave a damning report on abuse allegations of Aboriginal girls and women on the desk of the Duty Officer beside his taser. “Yeah, we’ll look at it …
