Toronto Star begins paywall website, hopes no one knows how to clear internet history
TORONTO – After several other renowned newspapers implemented paywalls for internet content, publishers at the Toronto Star are hoping that none of their online readers know how to clear th…
Trudeau fetus polling well in focus groups
OTTAWA – Justin Trudeau’s expected third child has polled well among voters according to Nanos Research. Since conception, the Trudeau fetus has been polling well in focus groups especially…
All 200 high school valedictorians in university course expect to finish top of class
MONTREAL – With the first day of university quickly approaching, all 200 high school valedictorians enrolled in “Introduction to Western Civilisation” at McGill are raring to start and expe…
War of 1812 celebrations extended to 2017
Canadians everywhere are bracing their wrists for even more flag-waving as the government announced it will be prolonging the War of 1812 celebrations until 2017.histhist Minister of Heritage She…
Deafening military flyovers of airshow exciting novelty for city that has never been bombed
TORONTO – Following a week of ceremonial flyovers by Canada’s elite Snowbirds, Toronto residents have reported greatly enjoying the noise and spectacle of seeing CT-114 Tutor fighter planes…
Lonely Woman Invents Shitty Boyfriend
VICTORIA, BC – Tired of her friends’ relationship conversations dominating group outings, local copywriter Ashley Tanner, 25, recently invented a distant and generally disappointing signifi…
Real-life thrift shop nothing like Macklemore video
HAMILTON – A nearby Salvation Army store has failed to live up to the expectations set by the “Thrift Shop” music video for local man Jake Covey. “The video made it seem like th…
Organ donation campaign encourages more Canadians to take up stunt motorcycling
OTTAWA – With a shortage of kidneys, lungs, hearts and other vital organs, the Canadian Society of Transplantation is challenging more Canadians to take up reckless, ill-advised activities …
North Korea executes ex-girlfriend of Kim Jong-un over alleged sex tape
North Korean has reportedly executed Kim Jong-un’s former lover by firing squad for allegedly participating in a pornography along with 11 other artists. What’s your say? “Damn! I was waiting for…
Western countries to rescue Syrians from chemical weapons by bombing them with normal weapons
WASHINGTON DC – Following another chemical weapons attack in the region, Western countries have intervened on behalf of Syria’s civilian population to ensure that the bombings there return …
