WASHINGTON – President Obama announced that people going blind with frustration over healthcare.gov politely crashing will not be able to get this condition covered once the website lets them sign up.
“Look, I’m sympathetic to the terrible trend of people losing their most precious sense of sight over a glitchy website,” sighed a squinting Obama “I’m almost as myopic as the Republicans over this mess.”
Other than his sympathy, Obama had little to offer to those afflicted with the tragic condition.
“You can’t expect Obamacare to cover a brand new affliction, spreading at the pace that this thing is. It wasn’t budgeted for,” defended Obama before adding, “it would be down-right un-American if we responded to the unexpected consequences of our actions.”
This growing blindness epidemic is a cause for concern amongst the nation’s doctors.
“If we don’t do something soon,” warned Dr. Cass Goldman of the National Optometric Association, “America could be looking at an entire generation of near-sighted, impatient, and incessantly frustrated citizens.”
“We don’t yet known how many Americans will go blind with frustration over the Obamacare website,” he added, “ but with the number of citizens that have already gone blind with rage over the government shutdown it is clear that myopia in America is becoming a chronic condition. “