Trudeau’s tweet blamed for welcoming forests fires

OTTAWA – Conservative MPs were on the offensive today blaming a tweet made by Prime Minister Justin Trudeau that welcomed illegal forests fire crossing into Canada. While the opposition cou…

REPORT: Earth in Retrograde

TORONTO – When Mercury is in retrograde, it appears as though the planet closest to the sun is orbiting the Earth backwards. This phenomenon has become a catchall explanation for why people…

Provincial government thanks the rest of Canada for buying $4.5 billion pipeline by complaining about equalization

EDMONTON – Expressing their appreciation for the purchasing the controversial Trans Mountain Pipeline, the Alberta government said thanks by complaining about how much Quebec, Manitoba, Nov…

Ford promises obsolete sex-ed curriculum will be updated to include girl-on-top

QUEEN’S PARK – After a weeks-long furore around sex-ed in Ontario’s schools, Doug Ford has promised that the 1998 curriculum will be updated to include contemporary issues, such as girl-on-…

Local mom files Freedom of Information request regarding son’s new girlfriend

SAULT STE. MARIE, ON – Local mother Helena Nowak has resorted to bureaucratic methods to try to obtain information regarding the love life of her son, Adam, 22, and has filed a Freedom of I…

Reinstated Ontario sex-ed curriculum polling well among sex offenders

TORONTO – Following the Ford government’s announcement that Ontario schools will revert back to the 1998 sex-ed curriculum, polls indicate the decision has been well received by the province’s re…

Trump announces do-over after media calls no takesy-backsies

WASHINGTON D.C. – The White House has announced that Vladimir Putin will be visiting Donald Trump in the United States this fall. Only days after the duo’s Helsinki summit ended with Trump …

Local woman changes position after man calls her a bitch online

CALGARY – It’s been a long, hard process of soul searching and self-reflection, but local internet user Grace Marsh isn’t complaining as she undertakes a complete overhaul of her opinions a…

Black & Decker invents new leaf blower that works at times other than 6:30AM

TORONTO – In a technological breakthrough that is set to revolutionize the landscaping industry, scientists at Black and Decker have invented a leaf blower that is able to be operated after…

Trump wondering how long he has to wait before offering Papa John cabinet position

WASHINGTON, D.C.- Sources within the Trump administration are reporting that the president has asked many of his top aides how long he has to pretend that he is not going to offer recently resign…