Rebel News not eligible for journalism tax credits, files with Russian government instead

TORONTO – Following a Canadian Federal Court decision that Rebel News doesn’t qualify for journalism tax credits because it doesn’t produce enough original news content, the far…

Co-worker that everyone hates surprised he can’t get colleagues to do what he wants

OTTAWA – Local man Pierre Poilievre, an employee at an Ottawa small business named the House of Commons, was surprised that none of the colleagues who despise him were willing to support hi…

Loblaws launches for profit food bank

BRAMPTON – In response to continuing accusations of greed-flation and price gouging, Loblaws has announced the launch of a nationwide chain of for-profit food banks. “We’re sensitive to the…

Rogers promises Leafs, Raptors fans that their teams will be just as successful as current Blue Jays

TORONTO – After announcing they had acquired majority control of Maple Leaf Sports & Entertainment, the board of Rogers Communications reassured Leafs, Raptors, TFC and Argos fans that …

WestJet debuts new slogan: “Air Canada, but somehow worse.”

CALGARY – WestJet has finally embraced its reputation as one of Canada’s most reviled airlines with the debut of its new company slogan: “Air Canada, but somehow worse.” The slogan was initially …

Air Canada pilots threaten to continue operating Air Canada flights until their demands are met

MONTREAL – In an effort to secure stronger wages, Air Canada pilots are vowing to make Canadians continue to fly Air Canada unless they are granted significant raises. “With no breakthroughs emer…

10 ways the Liberals can still win the next election

The Liberal Party has fallen a teeny tiny little bit behind the Conservatives in the polls. And with an election possibly imminent Liberals insiders are reportedly telling PM Trudeau that he can&…

Physicists launch study of temporal paradox allowing people younger than you to have kids already

COPENHAGEN – An international coalition of scientists with expertise in quantum mechanics, wave theory and atomic structure have assembled at the Nils Bohr Institute to tackle the newly-discovere…

University class discussion forum used exclusively to ask questions already answered in class

OTTAWA, ON ― The latest analysis of a local first-year North American History course discussion forum has revealed that every one of the 173 questions posted there was already answered in class. …

Airport security introduces option to sketch travellers like one of their French girls

OTTAWA — Canada’s Air Transport Security Authority has announced that travellers averse to being scanned by invasive technology will now have the option to be gracefully sketched like one o…