Totally normal doctor recommends getting vaccinated in arm not used for masturbating
EDMONTON – Because the COVID vaccine generally causes soreness in the arm it’s injected into, Dr. Alex Hall has been advising Canadians to get it in their non-masturbation arm. “Many Canadians ar…
Pope: “Confessing and asking forgiveness aren’t really our thing”
VATICAN CITY – As Canadians and Indigenous Peoples demand accountability and remorse from the Catholic Church for their role in the genocidal Residential Schools institutions that Canada op…
Bill C-10 requires YouTube to recommend Canadian radicalization videos
OTTAWA – Bill C-10, which seeks to modernize Canadian content standards, will reportedly include provisions forcing YouTube’s algorithm to recommend Canadian conspiracy theorists and alt ri…
Transphobes announce all trans kids either too young or too old to know they’re trans
Canadians for Traditional Family Values, a conservative political group, has released a long-awaited statement giving their official position on how to address trans children. “We’ve divided it u…
Canadians sweep Junos
CANADA – In a stunning show of national dominance, all the Junos awarded at the 50th annual Juno awards were awarded to Canadians. “I think this really shows how far Canadian music has come…
RCMP arrest the Lorax
LAKE COWICHAN, B.C. – The RCMP, out in force again today arresting protesters trying to protect old growth trees on Vancouver Island, have detained one of the world’s most recognizable envi…
Police on horse ready to stop train robbery
TORONTO – Toronto Police have reported that their horseback division is essential for stopping any and all train robberies. “When I’m on my noble steed, Paul Gross’ Passchendaele – Pa…
Hundreds of superheroes’ identities revealed as CDC gives ok to remove masks
ATLANTA, GA – With the CDC approving Americans to remove their masks many masked superheroes have complied, resulted in the accidental reveal of hundreds of superheroes’ secret identities. …
Innovative! West Virginia finds way to maintain COVID mortality levels post-COVID
WEST VIRGINIA- In a time when most states are struggling with low mortality rates, West Virginia Governor and local boyboss Jim Justice (R) is offering state residents a chance to win guns if the…
