Local man still has no idea what Dad did for a living
TORONTO – 42-year-old Trey Martinez admits that after all these years, he still doesn’t understand exactly “what the hell [his] dad did as a career.” “It started back in grade 5 when my dad gave …
Trudeau assures Canadians that airports will be fine once rampant inflation makes flying prohibitively expensive
OTTAWA – Seeking to ease Canadians fears that our airports are becoming chaotic hellscapes, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau promised that soon inflation will make travelling so expensive that…
Gary Bettman unveils route for this year’s ‘No Canadian Team Won The Cup’ victory parade
NEW YORK CITY – Smiling widely, NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman showed reporters where the victory parade would be for his annual celebration of denying Canadian teams a Stanley Cup once agai…
Representation Win! This new queer show features a buff gay man
MONTREAL, QC – Fans are calling for a representation win after this new queer show features a buff gay man. “The 2slgbtq+ community is such a diverse community,” began showrunner Max Gould.…
Sitcom mom three years older than sitcom daughter
VANCOUVER – Today it was discovered that actress Sally Ruth is just three years older than her sitcom daughter Dana Fields. Their relationship has been a recurring B-plot on Killing Time, C…
Spouting off entire resume deemed acceptable response to “how’ve you been?”
TORONTO – As Canadians begin socializing in-person again, The Canadian Board of Acceptable Social Norms (CBASN) has added spouting off a detailed account of your entire resume, including re…
Local woman desperately looking for way out of friend’s escape room birthday party
TORONTO – After an exhausting work week, local resident Sarah Smythe is shocked and dismayed to find herself trapped at her friend’s escape room party. “There’s no way out now, my hands are…
93% of Canadians will never pay off their blood debts
NATIONWIDE- A new study conducted by Statistics Canada has shown that only around 7% of Canadians are expected to accrue enough revenge to fully pay off the amount of blood debt they have or will…
Canadian birders get their rocks off as horny birds return north to fuck
WOOD BUFFALO NATIONAL PARK, AB – Bird watchers are flocking to migratory hotspots across the country to witness the annual and literal fuckfest that is bird migration. “I’m not a pervert,” …
