SAN FRANCISCO — Elon Musk is on the verge of completing the stipulations of his uncle’s will wherein he must spend 45 B$ without giving it away. By doing so before the end of the year, Elon Musk stands to inherit 100 B$ from his late uncle.
“By Jove, he has almost done it,” exclaimed Leonard Brewster, executor of the will. “Elon’s purchase of Twitter nearly seals the deal on his dear uncle’s inheritance. Elon was close to his beloved uncle, X Æ A-11 Musk, who made his fortune in an unspecified way in South Africa during the 80s.
“From the outside, it must seem like an impulsive, narcissistic, and self-destructive purchase,” Brewster said. “Yet even though this may destroy Twitter, it will work out fantastically for Elon, and that’s always been what counts.”
Musk, the living one, had reportedly considered funding NPR but their annual quarter billion budget would barely make a dent in the total. Some speculated he may take over NASA and fold it into SpaceX (also named after his uncle) but their annual budget is a scant $25 billion. He considered buying every team in the NHL but it still would’ve left him with $15 billion to burn.
“And then he’d be stuck with the NHL,” Brewster added.
Rumours abound of how Musk, the not yet dead one, might dispose of the last billion. Ideas include: funding a national school lunch program, improving the declining American healthcare system , or the most likely option according to inside sources, simply launching a Tesla full of cash into the Sun.
“I have clarified to Elon several times earlier that he only needs to spend the 45 billion dollars and not erase that value entirely from existence,” said Brewster. “But he considers it, in his words, ‘an epic random meme, lulz ><.’”
Musk, the younger and not dead, has announced he plans to put the 100 B$ to good use as “walking around money”.