Buckingham Palace confirms death of Queen at Meghan Markle’s hands probably

LONDON – Britain’s Royal Family has officially confirmed that Her Royal Majesty Queen Elizabeth the II is dead at age 96, with her cause of death “almost certainly” being Suits suppor…

Mom really upset you made that joke about the Queen

THORNHILL, ON – In late breaking news your mother has reportedly sent multiple disappointed messages this afternoon after you posted a joke about Queen Elizabeth in the family group chat. Y…

Western University mandate 3 vaccine shots, 15 Jaegermeister shots

LONDON, ON – In an effort to protect students and faculty against COVID-19 and being a buzzkill, Western University announced that everyone entering the campus must have had at least 3 shot…

Restaurants add option to tip server’s entire salary

TORONTO – In a bold new move, restaurants are adding the option to tip your server’s whole salary. After successful tipping increases to 20% and even 30%, business owners decided to keep it going…

Hockey Canada insists it can change its culture without replacing leadership, changing culture

OTTAWA – As they continue to resist calls for institutional change, Hockey Canada officials are promising Canadians that they will be able to eliminate the rape culture currently pervasive …

5 fun or cheap activities to make the most of summer, and yes, we did mean “or”

OTTAWA – The long weekend is coming up, and you’re seeking ways of maximizing your time while minimizing your expenses. But every listicle promising low-cost excitement disappoints you with…

Conservatives explain why they are supporting Pierre Poilievre for Leader

With Pierre Poilievre expected to be chosen as Conservative Party Leader this week, we sat down with Conservative Party members who explained why they voted for him. Sven McDaniels (Accountant) &…

“Now that Canadian home prices have dropped, I can finally afford a house!” says maybe one person, maybe

TORONTO – After a recent drop in the Canadian housing market, city dweller and accounts manager, Benedict Witt, 34, has become the only person that is considering he may now be able to affo…

Labour Day parade “not communist enough” for small town 

ROBERTS, AB —  A spectre is haunting Roberts—the spectre of not enough Communism. Town residents are upset that the town’s annual Labour Day parade hasn’t gone far enough to “release the proletar…

Deep-fried insulin huge hit at CNE

TORONTO — Each August food merchants at the CNE try to outdo each other with a new wild snack. Previous years have seen runaway hits with things like the spaghetti donut and ketchup-flavore…