Tim Hortons somehow more reputable than Hockey Canada
TORONTO – The nation was stunned and confused this week after the actions taken by two pillars of Canadian society resulted in the disorienting feeling that Tim Hortons is now a more reputa…
Nation shocked that Poilievre would bother hiding connection to misogynists
OTTAWA – In the wake of a damming Global News Report that Pierre Poilievre used a hidden tag in his YouTube videos to appeal to online misogynistic groups, Canadians from coast to coast are…
Experts debate who is faster: Connor McDavid or The Sponsors fleeing Hockey Canada
TORONTO – For years Connor McDavid has been seen as the fastest force in hockey but now insiders are wondering whether he has been bested by a new competitor: the sponsors getting away from…
Corgis everywhere struggling to find a new gimmick
LONDON, UK – Following the death of Queen Elizabeth II, the world’s corgi population is scrambling to find a new trademark to stay relevant in the global dog scene. “We’ve been trying…
Tory assures voters he only needs one more term to make Toronto as inhospitable as it is expensive
TORONTO – Running for re-election Mayor John Tory has promised voters that, with just one more term, he can complete his mission to make Toronto just as terrible to live in as it is crippli…
Cheap dad treats kids to Ripley’s Believe it Or Not! lobby visit
NIAGARA FALLS, ON – While on a recent family vacation, father Todd Evans reached an impressive level of frugality by treating his wife and kids to a visit to the Ripley’s Believe It O…
Fluffy dog forced to wear fall sweater is fucking burning up
CALGARY – Despite the unseasonably warm fall weather rolling through Western Canada, 4-year-old Pomeranian mix Sandy has been dressed in a sweater simply because it’s ‘just so dang adorable…
Hockey fans training hard to get into peak trash talking shape
MONTREAL – Local Habs fan Jeff Donoghue says he needs just a few more training sessions before he is in mid-season trash talking shape. “Other off-seasons I’ve kind of let my ga…
Huh. Via Train just started going backwards
Belleville(ish), ON – The Via Train from Toronto to Montreal that has been stopped somewhere around Belleville for the last twenty minutes has started going backwards and everyone on board …
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