WINDSOR ON – Through slightly bleeding gums and a raw tongue, Jarrod Pumpfrey declared that salt and vinegar chips are definitely the best chip flavour in the world.
Pumpfrey has always seen himself as a chip aficionado. He ate his first plain chip when he was three years old and has been eating chips everyday since.
“There’s something about eating until your mouth bleeds that really encapsulates the ups and downs of life,” expounded Pumpfrey. “Sure, ketchup is the quintessential Canadian flavour and bacon chips have a complex smokiness but you never know when to stop eating them. With salt and vinegar, there’s a clear signal when you’ve had enough.”
Dentists have been giving salt and vinegar chips mixed reviews since they first appeared. Dr. Chris Skele has been warning patients for decades about the effects of too many acidic foods.
“As you get older, just like other parts of your body, repair takes longer,” explained Dr. Skele. “Therefore, if you eat foods until your tongue is raw and bleeding, your taste buds might not all regenerate meaning you’ll experience less flavour from your food.”
During a live streaming chip flavour challenge, Pumpfrey ranked all the salt and vinegar chips with Lays coming out on top and Miss Vicky’s being a close second. A representative from Frito-Lays responded to the honour, “While we are happy that Pumpfrey, like many Canadians, feels that our Salt and Vinegar chips are the best in the world, we are not legally responsible for any ulcers, receding gum lines, or tooth loss that might occur due to over-consuming our addictively delicious, food science derived flavourings.”
At press time, Pumpfrey was attempting to brush his teeth without reopening any of his mouth sores.