ATLANTA – Following weeks of wild round the clock speculation on the nature of the mysterious Malaysian Airlines disappearance, CNN anchors were disappointed to discover that the plane simply cra…
U.S.
Fred Phelps surprised heaven is so hot
THE AFTERLIFE – Fred Phelps, the recently deceased founder of the hyper-conservative Westboro Baptist Church, was shocked today to find God’s Kingdom so uncomfortably hotrelig “Well, golly,…
Beloved New Jersey governor revealed as politician
Trenton, NJ – Supporters of New Jersey’s long-admired governor Chris Christie were disappointed after the media revealed that he was – in fact – a politician last week. Christie…
Utah legalizes homophobic marriage
SALT LAKE CITY — Following a landmark ruling from the U.S. Supreme Court earlier this week, Utah will continue to grant thousands of openly homophobic couples the right to wed. “It’s a huge relie…
In honour of former South African President, Obama renames Guantanamo Bay “Mandela Cove”
WASHINGTON – Upon his return from South Africa, President Obama announced his plan to honour Nelson Mandela by changing the name of the military prison Guantanamo Bay to “Mandela Cove”. “As I sai…
Americans celebrate National Consumer Stampede Day
Richmond, VA – Embracing their capitalist roots, Americans have kicked off National Consumer Stampede Day with frenzied riots at department stores across the country. Thousands of people wa…
Blind-internet-frustration not covered by Obamacare
WASHINGTON – President Obama announced that people going blind with frustration over healthcare.gov politely crashing will not be able to get this condition covered once the website lets them sig…
Black man glad local frat is dressing up as him again this Halloween
CLEVELAND – When he learned that members of a local fraternity would be dressing up as the black man who lives next door, Andrew Thompson, the black man who lives next to Pi Gamma Gamma, wa…
Ariel Castro unable to tolerate being abused in a locked room for years
COLUMBUS, Ohio – On Wednesday, recently incarcerated criminal Ariel Castro was found hanging in his cell after he discovered he was unable to handle captivity. “The inmate apparently …
