LONDON, ON – After US President Biden issued an Executive Order banning gender identity discrimination in sports, local transphobic man James Martin reports becoming worried about women’s s…
Sports
Super Bowl to rerun old ads and see if anyone notices
TAMPA, FL – With a significant number of advertisers dropping out of this year’s sparsely-attended Super Bowl, the NFL has announced on Sunday that they will fill the unused TV spots …
Leafs finally discover key to success: not being in same division as Boston
TORONTO – Having started the 2021 NHL season with a record of 6-2 the ever disappointing Toronto Maple Leafs believe they have finally found what works for them: no longer having to play th…
Gary Bettman announces Kraft Hockeyville winner will go to a town in US Southwest instead
NEW YORK – NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman has announced that the next winner of the Kraft Hockeyville competition will go to a town in Arizona, Nevada, or New Mexico instead of a small Canad…
Lucky bonspiel spectator catches game-winning curling stone
ST. JOHN’S – Dougie McDonough, 44, got to fulfill every curling fan’s dream yesterday at a bonspiel final when he caught the game-winning stone at the expense of the majority of his bones. …
Update: Canadians realizing silver medal not worth health risk
EDMONTON – Canadians from across the country came to the realization that coming in second place wasn’t worth the risk of inviting dozens of international players and coaching staff to Cana…
RCMP warns of increased sectarian violence ahead of NHL’s new All-Canadian division
OTTAWA, ON – The RCMP has issued a Media Advisory warning Canadians of an increase in bloodshed, property damage and general assholery due to the NHL’s creation of an All-Canadian division,…
All-Canadian NHL Division contributes to national unity by causing fans to hate all the other Canadian teams
NEW YORK – Rejoicing at the NHL’s nation-building project, Canadian hockey fans are ready to absolutely hate every opposing Canadian team. The new North Conference places all of the country…
In preparation for Florida move Raptors replace logo with image of shirtless man shooting fireworks at an Alligator
TAMPA – As part of their preparation to temporarily become a Florida based NBA team the Toronto Raptors have replaced their ‘claw’ logo with a cartoon of a shirtless man shootin…
Hundreds of Leafs fans demand the NHL “stops the steal” of the Stanley Cup
NEW YORK – A loud and boisterous crowd of fans are demanding the NHL stop the conspiracy to steal the Stanley Cup from the Toronto Maple Leafs. Approximately 200 fans protested outside the …
