Gary Bettman announces Kraft Hockeyville winner will go to a town in US Southwest instead - The Beaverton

Gary Bettman announces Kraft Hockeyville winner will go to a town in US Southwest instead

Commissioner has announced that the next winner of the competition will go to a town in Arizona, , or New Mexico instead of a small Canadian municipality.

The $250,000 prize of arena upgrades will be used to explore new markets in desert areas where residents don’t give a shit about or even need an arena.

“We are relocating this funding competition to develop the sport where fencing is more popular than hockey,” said Bettman to a group of disappointed Canadian competitors.

“There is a demand to expand this sport to places like Albuquerque or Yuma,” added Bettman. “Some of these dusty and arid townsfolk have never seen an ice surface before or know what the NHL is…but top hockey players will be coming out of there in a few hundred years. Just watch.”

While Canadian townships are encouraged to participate, their pleas for further investment into sports will not be taken seriously at this time as per the longstanding NHL tradition.

According to sources, Bettman was attempting to relocate a Bracebridge, Timbits team to South Texas.