OTTAWA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau wants the Canadian business community to know that this pandemic and the governmental response to it will in no way alter the Liberal government’s pol…
Politics
Report: 60% of illuminati can’t figure out how to join video call
WORLDWIDE – Attendance of regularly scheduled Illuminati council meetings have dropped to 40%, largely due to technical issues with the video meeting hosting programs being used. “I mean, I…
Conservative Party submits Doug Ford for tests, fearing he may have contracted socialism
Toronto, ON – Ontario Premier Doug Ford has been submitted for extensive testing today after Conservative Party Executives expressed that he was beginning to exhibit symptoms of socialism. …
Trudeau airs a coronavirus update rerun, to see if anyone notices
OTTAWA – After several weeks of daily broadcast addresses on the government’s coronavirus response, Prime Minister Trudeau today decided to re-air a previous clip to see if Canadians would …
Peter MacKay deletes tweet praising “military victory” during Oka Crisis
OTTAWA – Conservative Party leadership candidate Peter MacKay hastily deleted another tweet which praised Canada’s heroic “military victory” at Oka, Quebec in 1990. “Our brave boys sacrific…
Ontario teachers reject gov’s latest offer of ‘Ford gets to punch one teacher in the face every day’
TORONTO – After taking the weekend to mull it over, Ontario’s teachers have decided not to accept the provincial government’s latest offer, where salaries would be drastically cut and Ford …
Canadians stockpile ear protection as precaution for John Baird leadership bid
OTTAWA – In preparation for a possible John Baird Conservative Party leadership bid, Canadians have been busy stocking ear protection equipment. Media speculation about Baird’s possible ent…
Conservatives distance selves from Scheer by crowning scandal prone white man who can’t win Quebec
OTTAWA – Seeking to put plenty of room between them and the disastrous leadership tenure of Andrew Scheer, the Conservative Party is preparing to anoint as leader Peter MacKay, a man credib…
In lieu of speaking French, Peter MacKay to run his nails down a chalkboard
HALIFAX – Conservative Party leadership hopeful Peter MacKay has decided to stop speaking in one of Canada’s official languages by substituting his French with the screeching noise made by …
