OTTAWA – Prime Minister Stephen Harper has agreed to participate in a televised English debate under the condition that he will be the only candidate present and no questions are asked. Har…
National
Ministry of Agriculture seeks interns for exciting new Harvest Sacrifice position
OTTAWA – The Ministry of Agriculture is reaching out to recent university and college graduates to fill unpaid internship positions related to the upcoming 2015 Harvest Sacrifice. “This is …
Stephen Harper resigns admitting Prime Ministership ‘just an art project’
OTTAWA – Shortly after Chris Lloyd, the Conservative Party candidate running against Liberal leader Justin Trudeau in the Quebec riding of Papineau, turned in his resignation by stating tha…
Butterflies detained at border for possession of milkweed
LUBBOCK, TX – The annual migration patterns have been interrupted for a group of 50 monarch butterflies, who were detained at the US-Mexico border for suspected possession of controlled sub…
Elizabeth May botches ’22 Minutes’ audition
OTTAWA – Speaking at the yearly Ottawa Press Gallery Dinner, Green Party leader Elizabeth May’s off-colour jokes about Omar Khadr were later revealed to be an unsuccessful audition for the …
Khadr’s bail to be set at sorry-we-stole-your-childhood-if-you-join-ISIS-everyone-will-understand
EDMONTON — After thirteen years of detention, Omar Khadr was released on bail on Tuesday after all parties agreed to allow him to become a member of ISIS should he feel so inclined. “Frankly afte…
Ontario schoolchildren: “Our parents aren’t mature enough for us to learn about sex”
TORONTO – Elementary school students across Ontario have begun to protest the province’s updated health and physical education curriculum, expressing concern that their parents aren’t “mentally d…
Victorious NDP dump barrel of crude on Rachel Notley
CALGARY – NDP staffers gathered around the newly elected Alberta NDP premiere Rachel Notley to celebrate her momentous underdog victory by pouring a barrel of fine crude over her head. “We fought…
Bill, Roy, and Chad concede defeat as Dale elected new premier of PEI
CHARLOTTETOWN, PEI – After a gruelling campaign that led candidates from the dock all the way to the old barn, Bill, Roy, and Chad have called it quits, and Dale has been elected Premier of…
Ethics watchdog bribes MPs to reduce corruption
OTTAWA – After fruitlessly trying to get MPs to vote in favour of tighter conflict of interest rules, Ethics Commissioner Mary Dawson has decided to ‘grease the wheels a little bit’. “I did…
