OTTAWA – Earlier today, Justice Minister Peter MacKay announced that he will not run in this year’s election, having accepted a lucrative opportunity in the private sector chairing the Depa…
National
End of tampon tax leaves only 3,424 areas of gender inequality remaining
OTTAWA – With the announcement that GST will no longer apply to feminine hygiene products after July 1st, the Harper government has managed to stamp out nearly 1/3000th of the gender inequa…
OPP investigating RCMP probing Senators reviewing RCMP scrutinizing OPP union
OTTAWA – The Ontario Provincial Police’s report on the RCMP’s response to the Parliamentary shootings last October may be overshadowed by the RCMP investigating the same Senators who will s…
Report: Oil found in Northwest Territories will be just enough to doom humanity
NORTHWEST TERRITORIES – Geological scientists announced earlier this week that the 200 billion barrels of shale oil discovered in the Northwest Territories would be adequate to push humanit…
Harper agrees to English TV debate provided he has no opponents, questions
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Stephen Harper has agreed to participate in a televised English debate under the condition that he will be the only candidate present and no questions are asked. Har…
Ministry of Agriculture seeks interns for exciting new Harvest Sacrifice position
OTTAWA – The Ministry of Agriculture is reaching out to recent university and college graduates to fill unpaid internship positions related to the upcoming 2015 Harvest Sacrifice. “This is …
Stephen Harper resigns admitting Prime Ministership ‘just an art project’
OTTAWA – Shortly after Chris Lloyd, the Conservative Party candidate running against Liberal leader Justin Trudeau in the Quebec riding of Papineau, turned in his resignation by stating tha…
Butterflies detained at border for possession of milkweed
LUBBOCK, TX – The annual migration patterns have been interrupted for a group of 50 monarch butterflies, who were detained at the US-Mexico border for suspected possession of controlled sub…
Elizabeth May botches ’22 Minutes’ audition
OTTAWA – Speaking at the yearly Ottawa Press Gallery Dinner, Green Party leader Elizabeth May’s off-colour jokes about Omar Khadr were later revealed to be an unsuccessful audition for the …
Khadr’s bail to be set at sorry-we-stole-your-childhood-if-you-join-ISIS-everyone-will-understand
EDMONTON — After thirteen years of detention, Omar Khadr was released on bail on Tuesday after all parties agreed to allow him to become a member of ISIS should he feel so inclined. “Frankly afte…
