OTTAWA – With the announcement that GST will no longer apply to feminine hygiene products after July 1st, the Harper government has managed to stamp out nearly 1/3000th of the gender inequality in Canada.
“This is a great day for women,” said Harper. “Well, not really for the 35% of visible minority women who are currently living below the poverty line. But, honestly, that seemed like a really hard problem to solve.”
Many politicians lauded the bill and hope that Canadian women everywhere will be satisfied with a 7% price reduction for their tampons and a 0.029% increase in gender rights.
“We told the boys in the Conservative caucus that we’d boycott a vote if they didn’t support this bill,” said Conservative MP Stella Ambler. “Maybe we should do the same thing to force an inquiry into that missing Aboriginal women thing? Nah, probably shouldn’t push anything so soon after this massive victory.”
Ambler is no stranger to breaking barriers. She was elected in 2011 as one of a record 76 female MPs, constituting nearly 25% of the House of Commons.
“It makes me feel like I can do anything. Maybe I could be one of the 30% of Ontario Superior Court justices that are women,” said local teen Lisa Benoit. “Or maybe I could win the Stephen Leacock medal for a humorous novel, just like female writers have done 9% of the time! Or maybe I could be one of the 100 highest paid CEOs in Canada like Nancy Southern, the only woman on that list!”
The federal government has made this historic bill as visible as possible so that all women can know how much they are being helped. Even women in smaller communities like Cornwall, PEI now know that they will save upwards of $16 a year, money that could be put toward food, utilities, or travelling off the island to receive an abortion that the provincial government still refuses to provide.
At press time, the federal government had announced they will offset the tampon tax cut with a new tax on all items boyfriends buy to pretend they aren’t buying tampons.
