Just Outside of HOPE, BC ― Local third-grade teacher Jude Thompson was reimbursed for a cloud this week, after he discovered that the dark mass of suspended water droplets, given to him by his pa…
Dumb Week
Look who’s joining the cast of season 2 of Bridgerton: the Ask Jeeves butler
HOLLYWOOD – The season 2 cast of the Netflix breakout show Bridgerton has been released, announcing new comer: the Ask Jeeves Butler. Best known for his work as the gentleman’s gentle…
Renaissance fair cancelled due to supply chain mail issues
HALIFAX – After months of ye olde stocking issues, Halifax Annual Renaissance Faireth has proclaimed the event will be cancelled due to insurmountable supply chain mail issues. The yearly g…
Local cat gets his best ideas at 3am
ST. JOHN’S, NF — Local cat Barney Gabriel Boudreault has shared that he gets his best ideas at three o’clock in the morning. “They say an artist can’t afford to wait around for inspiration,…
FreshCo and Food Basics announce they are actually two different places
MISSISSAUGA/TORONTO – The discount grocery store chains FreshCo and Food Basics have released a joint statement stating unequivocally that they are two different grocery stores, and not the…
Guitar sitting in your closet can’t wait to get to second bass
YOUR APARTMENT – After reaching first bass, the guitar in your closet expressed impatience and the thrill at the prospect of reaching second bass. “Oooh boy I’m so excited to touch their bo…
Glove model gets hand job
NEW YORK – Glove model Anton Kamilnik announced this morning with much excitement that he had finally received a hand job. “With the kind of proximity that they require,” said Kamilnik, “in…
Egyptian authorities announce discovery of 13 completely sealed copies of Shasta McNasty on DVD
CAIRO – The world was rocked today as the Egyptian Ministry of Antiquities unveiled the discovery of 13 completely sealed DVDs of the late 1990s TV show Shasta McNasty. Rumors surrounding t…
“I like to put a little maple syrup in there to start my day,” says man drinking mug of maple syrup
OSHAWA – A man currently guzzling an entire mug of maple syrup admitted today that he likes to put a little maple syrup in there to get his day started right. “We all know that feeling when…
Uncircumcised man slips on turtleneck
CALEDON, ON – An exasperated Gene Snift finally yielded to the many interview requests from giggling reporters about the “turtleneck incident” that occured last week. “If I’m being totally …