PACIFIC OCEAN – According to nautical sources, 36-year-old Damian Clarke regrets not bringing fundamental survival supplies to an abandoned island in favour of packing 3 Doors Down’s smash hit d…
Culture
Hulk Hogan declared dead after paramedic’s elbow drop fails to restart heart
CLEARWATER, FL – Hulk Hogan, who helped lead professional wrestling’s rise in popularity in the 1980s and beyond, was pronounced dead on Thursday after first responders were unable to…
Toronto’s real estate market forces Paul McCartney to move concert to Hamilton
HAMILTON – As more Torontonians relocate to cities that offer more affordable housing, rock legend Sir Paul McCartney announced that his Toronto concert at the Scotiabank Arena is also being relo…
CBS launches The Late Show With Jon Voight as part of fall, Trump-approved line-up
NEW YORK CITY – Following the sudden cancellation of The Late Show With Stephen Colbert, CBS has announced a revamp of their prime-time line-up designed to appease the Trump administration …
Supposedly hip young person doesn’t even know who LCD Soundsystem is
HAMILTON, ON — Reports have confirmed that Miley Autlin, 24, a person previously believed by experts to be “cool”, “up on the scene” and even “really into the new stuff” literally didn’t even kno…
Trump announces 35% tariffs on Krypton
WASHINGTON, DC – Following a wave of conservative backlash to the recent cinematic reboot of Superman, U.S. president Donald Trump has announced that all imports from Krypton will be subjec…
New hit reality show begs to answer the question, “Do you want to ruin your life!?”
CALIFORNIA – This season’s newest hit reality show is taking the genre in a new direction by making its contestants compete against each other to ruin their own lives the fastest! The show …
New Cirque du Soleil show apparently different from the others
SAINT-MICHEL, QC – A recent forensic examination of Cirque du Soleil’s latest show has brought to light shocking allegations: that the troupe’s show is not exactly the same every time…
“At least Mel Gibson is still a good guy,” states man with the memory of a grape
Oakville, ON – Local goldfish Tim Wells just admitted while the news about how bad Neil Gaiman is, he’s glad that his favourite actor Mel Gibson still has a clean slate. “Thank god he’s nev…
Snow White dethroned at box office by dimly lit video of man ranking Skittles flavours
Money, CA – After a few weeks breaking no records at the box office, Disney’s Snow White has finally been dethroned at the box office by a poorly shot video of a man ranking Skittles flavou…
