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National
- National
- Local
- Toronto
- Montreal
- Vancouver
- North
- Campus
- University Reviews
- Canada Votes 2015
Convicted “Freedom Convoy” organizers hoping Trump will pardon them

Twelve hours of not thanking the bus driver and other atrocities witnessed during Canadian version of The Purge

New US tariffs force Canada to use excess steel, aluminum in construction of 200 ft Mecha-Gosling

Trudeau quietly sends “U up” DMs to rest of world’s economies

Family of 5 enjoys 24 hour window where nobody sick

CTV announces 24 nanosecond news cycle

Local woman waiting to return her missed calls until she’s on crowded bus

Forest Hill by-election to show Canada what people without problems think

“Why is Toronto traffic so terrible?” wonders man in car

Latest Drake track features his Mom asking Kendrick to stop bullying her son

Report: Juan Soto in talks with Ohtani about best way to get Canadians’ hopes up before crushing their dreams

Toronto commuter unable to tell if Taylor Swift gridlock has started

Just for Laughs Festival files for bankruptcy protection just before jumping out of box wearing gorilla mask

Montreal rioters concerned COVID rules are destroying small businesses before they can destroy small businesses

Toppling of statue causes temporal rift as John A. MacDonald erased from history

Montreal halts road construction until everyone can enjoy it again

Report: Killer Whales actively preparing to bring down a plane

Vancouver considers buying a second snowplow

Vancouver actor moves to L.A. to improve odds of getting cast in shows that shoot in Vancouver

Vancouver removes tents from Eastside unless they can prove they’re a weed shop

Tied Yukon election to be decided by traditional chainsaw throw

Yukon exposed to 2 cases of assholes

Yukon refuses to change clocks back in smug defiance of the will of Demeter

Rest of Canada happy to exchange NWT election results for federal one

York Professor asks for a note from a dictator before agreeing to defer student’s exam

Queen’s students argue their campus outbreak will be way better than Western’s

Gaming the system: Recent 92-year-old university grad gets to die before she pays off her debt

Western University invites David Wooderson from “Dazed and Confused” to speak at convocation

Western University mandate 3 vaccine shots, 15 Jaegermeister shots

Acadia University: The Beaverton University Reviews

Dalhousie University: The Beaverton University Reviews

OCAD University: University Reviews 2014

NDP claim Liberals stole their idea to form majority government

Sun newspapers still reporting Harper majority

90-year-old who has never voted proudly casts first ballot for Social Credit party

Conservatives unveil last minute attack ad accusing Justin of supporting Kansas City
World
Canada seeks new country to rip off every part of our culture from

Ovechkin dedicates his record-breaking goal to the brave men and women bombing Ukrainian hospitals

With Trump back in office, Greeks celebrate no longer being civilization that has fallen the furthest

Putin emails Trump “tell me 5 things you did for me last week”

US campaign entices Canada tourists: “Come visit America and also maybe El Salvador!”

Jewish students at Columbia deported for being anti-Semitic

Trump team accidentally texts Canadian invasion plans to Ian Hanomansing

Trump removes security detail from Eric

Living History: Grandma exchanged letters with John Diefenbaker where he talks about his “Dief Beef”

Toppling of statue causes temporal rift as John A. MacDonald erased from history

Village virgin sick of donating blood to every ritual sacrifice

July 24th, 1967: French President De Gaulle calls for Quebec to surrender, await for international help for liberation
Sports
- Sports
Federal election postponed until all Canadian teams eliminated from playoffs

Sports journalist refuses to give up the verb “edging”

Rogers CEO says joy of torturing Canadians with garbage hockey broadcast worth way more than 11 billion dollars

Ovechkin dedicates his record-breaking goal to the brave men and women bombing Ukrainian hospitals
Business
- Business
Ford insists dubious Therme Spa project met all the necessary bribes

Rogers CEO says joy of torturing Canadians with garbage hockey broadcast worth way more than 11 billion dollars

Hudson’s Bay warns customers they have only weeks to find their way out of stores

Boeing signs fighter contract, will rework planes to cause death and destruction “on purpose”
Culture
- Culture
- Lifestyle
- Health
- Opinion
- Parenting
- Stats
- Classifieds
Cast of “Come From Away” pitch new ending where the Americans get beat up

Disappointed fans slam White Lotus finale for never revealing whether rich people have problems too

“We are not for sale” state Juno winners and stars who work primarily in United States

Trump Trade War prompts Carney to mobilize reserve members of Broken Social Scene

Tampax encourages women to channel their rage into bigger, better periods

Conscientious driver slows to 30 km/h in school zone while hitting children with car

Report: Exhausting, unfulfilling suburban life you hate is university student’s unattainable dream

Mystical ayahuasca experience concludes with survey for chance to win $25 Amazon gift card

Alberta proves private healthcare is more efficient at generating scandals

New study finds pushing feelings way deep down inside is best option for everyone

Ford to execute first prisoner by using Ontario healthcare system

Injured ham sandwich rushed to Mayo Clinic

The Beaverton demands same debate invitation as The Rebel, even though we’re not as big a joke

Editorial: Trump underestimates how proud, united and, most importantly, petty Canadians are

Op-Ed: The “Wicked” movie shows us what audiences really want — more films about green people

EDITORIAL: Why my cheque giveaway is great whereas Doug Ford’s cheque giveaway is desperate and terrible – by Justin Trudeau

Man who wants kids unaware he will be expected to parent them

Physicists launch study of temporal paradox allowing people younger than you to have kids already

Child abuse? This baby is wearing jeans

Toddler guzzling bathwater like Nero at Bacchanal in waning days of Roman Empire

93% of Canadians will never pay off their blood debts

86% of August e-mail traffic just duelling Out-Of-Office messages

2014 Canadian Federal Budget Preview

Most frequent lies found on online dating profiles

Missed Connections: You were the public urinator on Main and 5th

LOTS OF JARS FULL OF APRICOT PITS.

ESSAY WRITERS NEEDED ASAP. BIG MONEY $$$$$.

UNIVERSITY student seeking mannequin to come alive and be my girlfriend.
BeavFeed
Meet the Canadians who support U.S. annexation: this 42 year old accountant sucks shit

Canadians who support the U.S. annexing us explain why

Most popular Thanksgiving Sides in every Province

CBC execs explain why they deserve their bonuses

You’re Jason Kenney. Can you find an excuse to get out of going to Calgary Pride?

You just lit off a bunch of fireworks before realizing you were in the Art Gallery of Ontario. Can you save the priceless pieces of art?

You magically turned into a bug! Can you live a happy and fulfilling life?

You have a chance to punch a Nazi. Do you take it?

Quiz: Should you watch Barbie, Oppenheimer or 2008 Canadian WWI drama Passchendaele

Quiz: Who should you vote for in Toronto’s Mayoral Race

Quiz: Who should you vote for in the Alberta Provincial Election

QUIZ: Is it a pyramid scheme or just a regular cult?

Canadians who support the U.S. annexing us explain why

Free speech champions explain why it’s OK that people are being cancelled for criticizing Israel

Conservatives explain why Pierre Poilievre attacking ‘globalist elites’ isn’t antisemitic

Liberals explain why they can’t do anything about the housing crisis

How To Go Vegan…Next Week

Guide To: Edmonton

Guide To: St.John’s

How To Lose Weight
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Help Wanted

- November 7, 2010

ESSAY WRITERS NEEDED ASAP. BIG MONEY $$$$$.

ESSAY WRITERS NEEDED ASAP. BIG MONEY $$$$$. Just kidding. Call Pete, 416-555-8312…

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US campaign entices Canada tourists: “Come visit America and also maybe El Salvador!”
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We tried to write a debate analysis, but Jagmeet Singh kept interrupting us
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