WINNIPEG – Manitoba premier Brian Pallister has encouraged teachers to share the province’s last remaining piece of chalk in all of the province’s public schools. Pallister announced the ne…
Merriam Webster scrambles to keep up with Ford’s definition of “shutdown”
Springfield, MA — It was all hands on deck at dictionary-maker Merriam Webster’s head office as employees worked to create a new definition of “shutdown” following Ontario Premier Doug Ford’s ann…
Crow pretty jazzed to grab engagement ring after couple finishes fighting in the park
VICTORIA, BC – During a midday flight through a lovely park, local crow Beaks McCaw spotted an exciting opportunity to add to her collection of shiny things upon witnessing an engaged coupl…
Alberta’s war room counters “Bigfoot Family” with $50 million production of “Peter the Pipeline”
EDMONTON – Alberta’s Canadian Energy Centre announced its own production of a kid’s movie about an industrious pipeline who dreams of stretching across two countries in response to Netflix’…
Tory MP calls for end of lock down claiming Canada shamefully behind US on COVID death count
HAMILTON – Flamborough—Glanbrook MP David Sweet is calling the province of Ontario to end the lockdown so Canada can catch up to the US on its COVID-19 death count. “22,000 dead compared to…
New tracking bracelets vibrate every time Doug Ford has dumb idea
TORONTO – The Office of the Auditor General of Ontario has unveiled a new line of digital tracking devices that vibrate every time Doug Ford posits a very stupid idea. The Auditor General s…
Firebrand columnist ridicules slow vaccine procurement for virus he doesn’t think is real
TORONTO – In a blistering column, an opinion-maker known for his vitriolic takes has roasted the federal government for its slow vaccine procurement for a disease he doesn’t believe is real…
Nation grateful Rush Limbaugh lived long enough to see Trump lose
OTTAWA – The nation mourned the passing of legendary broadcaster and Conservative provocateur Rush Limbaugh today, but took some comfort in the fact that he saw the human embodiment of his …
Rogers can’t fucking believe they’re the less evil telecom giant
TORONTO – The Board of Rogers Communications Inc. expressed disbelief this morning that they’ve become the ‘good one’ of Canada’s two telecom giants. “I don…
Tim Hortons egg sandwich now official sponsor of Premier Ford’s pandemic press conferences
TORONTO – Tim Hortons and the Ontario government have signed a sponsorship deal to promote the chain’s egg sandwich and other items at provincial press conference related to the pandemic. P…
