OTTAWA – Aides report that, in the light of Joe Biden becoming president of the United States, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is growing frustrated that he is now expected to actually govern…
Quebec homeless required to find homes by 8pm every day
QUEBEC – Premier François Legault announced that as part of the new pandemic curfew starting in Quebec, all homeless people will be required to find homes by 8pm every evening. “We need the…
Cop wears internal thoughts on the outside
TORONTO – A Toronto police officer seen with a patch featuring the symbol of Marvel’s The Punisher on his uniform while at a traffic safety news conference was only wearing his intern…
Students spend first day back decorating body bags for grandparents
MISSISSAUGA – In a back to school activity designed to teach about actions having consequences, students spent the afternoon decorating body bags for their grandparents. The art activity wa…
Police baffled why public turned on them after countless murders
NASHVILLE – Police officers across North America are scared and confused by the feeling that public opinion has turned against them for no reason other than the countless unpunished murders…
“We’re good,” ISS astronauts decline returning to Earth
HOUSTON – For the first time ever, astronauts aboard the International Space Station have declined to return to Earth, saying: “Nah, we’re good. Maybe later.” The message was relayed shortl…
New Ontario license plates passed rigorous testing by drug dealers in unlit parking lot
TORONTO – The Ontario Minister of Government Services Lisa Thompson responded to critics of the new unreadable Ontario license plate by saying that they were rigorously tested at the Queens…
Kenney cuts support for handicapped to fund task force into why people think he’s an asshole
EDMONTON – In his first budget, Premier Jason Kenney has cut the basic income support for handicapped people and redirected the millions saved to fund a public inquiry into why people think…
Trump cuts diplomatic ties with Germany after discovering they didn’t help U.S. in World War II either
WASHINGTON, D.C. – The international community was left reeling as the United States announced it was pulling its diplomatic mission out of Berlin after President Trump was informed that, l…
