OTTAWA – A third booster shot of the COVID-19 vaccine has been approved by Health Canada for use on all sheeple and government simps over the age of 18. “At this time the booster is recomme…
True crime podcasters running out of ways to segue from life-ruining event to mattress commercial
WINNIPEG – Hosts of the smash-hit podcast “A Murder Most Un-Lit” have become mired in one of the most common foibles of true crime fame – the struggle to naturally segue from the rete…
Horse girl becomes horse dewormer girl
PRINCE ALBERT, SK – 25-year-old mother of two Rebekkah McElroy, once crowned “Lil Miss Horse Princess” in the 2002 Saskatchewan Harvest Fall Festival, has adopted a strict daily regimen of …
Brisbane announced as next city to be blighted with unholy curse of the Olympics
BRISBANE – Announced for the year 2032, Brisbane, Australia has been selected to become the next unfortunate city to be blighted with the unholy curse that is hosting the Olympic Games. Des…
IT’S SIMPLE! How to book your vaccine using 8 websites, 5 booking IDs, a decoder ring, and the divine providence of Christ
IT’S SIMPLE! How to book your vaccine using 8 websites, 5 booking IDs, a decoder ring, and the divine providence of Christ Vaccine appointments are opening up for Ontarians 18+! We know you might…
FUN? This online escape room is just some guy’s poetry portfolio
WINNIPEG – A local librarian’s attempt to jump on the Google Docs-based “escape room” trend was revealed to be a shallow front to distribute his poetry portfolio. As the pandemic forced loc…
I got every covid vaccine. Here’s how they all taste.
The government has approved several COVID vaccines for widespread use, and lots of us are debating which one we should get. Worry no longer, because I did the dirty work for you: I got my hands o…
Oh No: This COVID hotel has themed rooms
Need yet another reason to postpone travel during this once-in-a-century global pandemic? This quarantine hotel has you covered – by mandating themed rooms for all international arrivals! T…
Number of Astrology apps on woman’s phone reaches critical mass
BURNABY, BC – A local woman’s interest in her natal chart recently turned dangerous when the number of astrology apps on her phone reached critical mass. Skye Davis, 23, reported recently t…
OPINION: The only thing better than a good comic book movie is watching different recuts of a bad comic book movie over and over again until I die
By Zack Snyder I’m what you might call a renaissance man. I love comics and movies, so much so that I insist on drawing the entire third act of all of my comic films digitally in post. Good comic…