OTTAWA – As controversy continues to mount over innocent Canadians being placed on the No Fly List, a long-running investigation claims that many people on the list are acceptably cool, tight and…
New $20 bill to feature plus-size model
OTTAWA — The Bank of Canada has revealed that the new $20 bill will display the image of a plus-size female model, marking the first time that a full-figured woman has appeared on Canadian …
Men celebrate International Women’s Day with #AllDaysMatter campaign
TORONTO – MRAs, Gamergate trolls and white men everywhere took to the internet this morning in an orchestrated attempt to “helpfully respond to” International Women’s Day by pointing out th…
Racist grandma bakes better cookies than non-racist grandma
SARNIA, ON – A study of all 4 Clarkson grandchildren has confirmed that the cookies baked by their sweet, kind grandmother Dorothy don’t even compare to those made by their mean, xeno…
Man at Tim Hortons still confident he will roll up exact amount of debt
TORONTO – Local man Greg Finks is still confident that today will be the day he rolls up the rim and sees the $24,673 he owes his bank, despite years of failed attempts and the fact that Ti…
McDonald’s new vegan quinoa tempeh salad less healthy than getting stabbed
HAMILTON – Ubiquitous fast food franchise McDonald’s has added the new Vegan Quinoa Tempeh Salad to their list of “health conscious” food options, which studies now say is worse for you the…
Dropped out GOP candidates get together for last big fearmonger party
Washington D.C. – Before they went their separate ways the recently resigned Republican Presidential candidates all met up for a final chance to stoke the fires of irrational fear and hate.…
Canadians banned from Wheel of Fortune for calling the letter ‘Zed’
LOS ANGELES – Sony Productions has announced that Canadians will no longer be allowed on long-running American game show Wheel of Fortune due to irreconcilable cultural differences regardin…
Bernie Sanders supporters furious that cat food commercial fails to mention Bernie Sanders
Supporters of democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders have declared all-out online warfare against Purina One Smartblend cat food after their new commercial “utterly neglected” to make a…
The one guy who likes All-Star games, Sting and Cirque du Soleil going pretty nuts right now
With the NBA All Star game taking place in Toronto this year, sources have confirmed that Andrew Hall, the one and only person who likes top-notch All Star basketball, singer songwriter Sting, an…
