WASHINGTON – Following Hillary’s loss in the New Hampshire primary, the Clinton Campaign has decided to connect with millennial voters by emphasizing that, like them, she is voting for Bernie San…
Aviation museum recalls Canada’s fighter jets from ISIS conflict
OTTAWA – The national museum dedicated to the historic study of Canadian flight has recalled six CF-18s that were being used in the fight against the Islamic State. “We were happy to loan t…
Judgmental look from passerby convinces man to be better parent
WINNIPEG – Lives were changed at the Portage Place Shopping Centre this morning as a smug and condescending look from local woman Lydia Nost convinced up-til-then neglectful father Jason Mo…
‘Tryst,’ ‘Moonlight Dalliance’ and ‘You-Know-What’ top media’s preferred terms for rape
TORONTO – According to statistics compiled by media watchdog PressWatch.org, the most widely used terms in 2015 by media outlets describing rape charges and allegations were “Tryst”, “Moonlight D…
Liberals add clause to Bill C-51 asking terrorists not to attack us
OTTAWA – After promising to “undo” many of the controversial elements in the Conservative anti-terror legislation, the Liberal government has announced that it will actually add a new claus…
NBA books Sting to perform at All-Star Game after LeBron mentions liking Roxanne
TORONTO – The NBA has announced that former Police lead singer and prominent lute enthusiast Sting will headline the halftime show at the upcoming All Star Game in Toronto after one officia…
HASBRO: Rey excluded from ‘Star Wars Monopoly’ to avoid spoiling scene where she buys railroad
PAWTUCKET – Bowing to public pressure, toy giant Hasbro will introduce a game piece of the character Rey into their latest version of Star Wars Monopoly, claiming the female protagonist had origi…
God apologizes for snakes
HEAVEN – In an unprecedented public statement earlier this week, God, the Supreme Lord and Master of the Universe, Blessed be He, issued a heartfelt apology for the creation and proliferation of …
Underemployed millennial not particularly worried about housing bubble
VANCOUVER – Part-time barista Jeremy Fletcher admitted yesterday that he was not overly concerned about the possibility that housing prices across Canada could suddenly collapse, causing a …
Leafs to start goalie tarp next game
TORONTO – In the wake of Jonathan Bernier’s blowout loss to the San Jose Sharks the Toronto Maple Leafs have announced that their starting goalie for Wednesday’s game against Columbus will …
