Well, here we are, just weeks into Kathleen Wynne’s small business killing minimum wage hike fiasco, and just as I predicted, my Tiki-themed casket store is closing its doors for good. Right from…
Local minotaur takes city to court in labyrinth zoning battle
KNOSSOS – Local beast The Minotaur has decided to take Knossos city council to court after a years-long bureaucratic dispute over proposed additions to his labyrinth. “They’re biased agains…
Nation’s toddlers demand more uppies
OTTAWA – In a move that many experts fear will cause a rift in already strained negotiations, Canada’s toddlers unilaterally demanded more uppies earlier today. Talks have entered arbitrati…
Ezra Levant buys domain name therebel.com in attempt to profit from recent disaster
TORONTO – Conservative pundit Ezra Levant has reportedly purchased domain names therebel.com, therebel.net, rebelimplosion.ca, and other related titles, in an effort to profit off of the di…
Trump said the US doesn’t think about Canada so we penned this transparent plea for attention
From attacking the rights of women and people of colour; to warmongering, and enabling oligarchs, Donald Trump’s time in office has been one despicable act after another. But he may have to…
Why can’t Millennials just stop whining and climb into my machine that turns you into fuel?
It’s easy to point out that Millennials have been given greater advantages than any other generation in history. What’s harder to understand, though, is why they can’t use those privileges to jus…
New Spider-Man film mostly scenes of Uncle Ben dying
HOLLYWOOD – At the world premiere of Marvel’s Spider-Man: Homecoming, fans of the franchise were treated to a new Spider-Man story, in which Uncle Ben dies a number of times in many differe…
Climate scientists seeking opinion of stupid idiot to complete study
OTTAWA – Scientists are nearing completion on another planet-wide study on climate change, but say they require the opinion of a “real stupid idiot” in order to complete their work. “We’ve …
Shorts Guy pulls the trigger a couple weeks early again
CALGARY – Local man Derek Rathburn, known to many in the community as Shorts Guy, has reportedly jumped the gun once again on breaking out his trusty shorts for the summer season. “We had o…
Trump’s 100th day gala celebrated “longest ever” presidential term
WASHINGTON D.C. – Donald Trump skipped the White House correspondents’ dinner this weekend, opting instead to hold a rally celebrating his 100th day in office – the “longest ever term…