Mark Carney may look like just another Canadian Prime Minister. But don’t let that fool you. The most inspiring part of his story isn’t that he went to Harvard, or even that he’s made millions working advancing the interests of the world’s largest banks…
It’s that he did all this despite having no elbows. Wow!
Without any elbows to raise up, like most people, Carney nonetheless runs an entire country.
“Despite my ramrod straight arms, nothing is going to get in the way of my vision: a country where we just kind of hope a deranged old tyrant with nuclear weapons agrees to not destroy us,” says the former goaltender, renowned for his distinctive playing style that also never involved raised elbows.
People thought there was no way any elbowless banker could have the imagination, ambition, or connections to meekly steer a middling country through the rise of neighbouring fascism. But Mark is proving them wrong.
He had not one, but two whole meetings with Donald Trump where he defied the US president with soaring, inspirational rhetoric like, “We’re, uh, not for sale”, “You’re a transformative president”, and “I wore a red tie for you.” Hero much??
Dr. Carol Smythe, a specialist in elbow issues and treatment, described Carney’s arm joint-less bravery. “Is Mr. Carney highly irritating? Yes. Does he have no idea how to deal with anyone who isn’t a paid-for yes-man? Also yes.”
“In spite of any elbows-down limitations, he can still pay lip service to Gaza, the housing crisis, and climate change while doing absolutely nothing,” Smythe emphasizes.
For Mark, this is just another day. “I’m just a simple Prime Minister doing what Canadians want me to do: debase myself and the country for a trade deal that, even if it does happen, will never be honoured. All for a coddled business class that should have seen this coming and adapted years ago.”
While you’re all applauding, remember – there’s no need to keep your elbows up.
