Money, CA – After a few weeks breaking no records at the box office, Disney’s Snow White has finally been dethroned at the box office by a poorly shot video of a man ranking Skittles flavours.
“It’s just a better hook for audiences,” explains Stephanie Zacharek, a renowned film critic for Time magazine. “Man ranking Skittles flavours is not that great, it’s just that Snow White is so terrible that a barely audible man ranking skittle flavours is more in tune with what people want than that bloated mess. It also does not feature Gal Gadot, which helps.”
Box office experts observe that audiences are not necessarily flocking to theatres to see man ranking skittle flavours in large numbers. More that the ranking of Skittles filmed with a Nokia phone taps into the valuable ‘meh, why not’ market of audience goers while Snow White is currently tapping into the ‘no fucking way’ market.
“I know Dopey is dopey,” bragged local cinephile Mark Dober. “I know Grumpy is grumpy, and Sleepy is sleepy, and that Gal Gadot is terrible. But you know what I don’t know? What does that low-resolution man think of melon berry versus berry punch? Can’t wait to find out!”
The mass unappeal of the nearly 300 million dollar film has created a wake where several pieces of poor media that would get no attention have been able to find an audience, such as woman looking for missing earring under table, dog owner looks for poop in pile of leaves, and A Minecraft Movie.
“Maybe its time to broaden my tastes,” states Helen Wheeler, an infrequent movie goer. “I don’t know where that earring went and I sort of want to know. That trailer was bad but maybe a video game movie can fill the empty void. All I know with complete certainty is I never want to see a Gal Gadot line read for the rest of my life.”
