LONDON – The Duchess of Cambridge gave birth today to a beautiful 8 lb international news sensation after a lengthy labour.
Middleton gave birth to the story, which will be broadcast around the world for the next 80 or so years, in a private hospital room while her closest family and TV networks breathlessly awaited the news.
“We’re just so happy to welcome this bundle of joy to our family,” said Tony Hall, the director-general of the BBC. “Aw, look! They just filmed his first bumper!”
Doctors present for the birth reported some mild difficulties.
“We were a little concerned with how long the labour was taking given the nature of the 24-hour news cycle.” said gynaecologist Dr. Marcus Setchell. “At one point, we thought it had developed a case of fetal tabloids. But eventually the headline crowned and then it was only a matter of time before the Duchess pushed out a full, healthy press release.”
The Duke and Duchess expressed their pleasure to a crowd of reporters waiting outside the hospital.
“We’re just so happy right now,” said a flushed Middleton, while cradling the world news item, “I only hope he’ll grow up to be well-read.”
