Running every day is the secret to long life, claim people being chased by lions - The Beaverton

Running every day is the secret to long life, claim people being chased by lions

Abbotsford, BC – What’s the secret to a long and healthy life? According to those currently being hunted by hungry lions, the trick is running as fast as you possibly can.

“Just don’t stop running, no matter how tired you are,” says Victor Cho, panting heavily as he sprints away from a pack of lions that escaped from the zoo.

It seems so simple, and yet it really works. Talk about a life hack! 

“Oh my god, run! Run! Everybody run!” says Whitney Jones, who desperately regrets taunting the lions at the circus. Wow, she sure is passionate about running!

Scientists discovered the connection between running every day and living a long life by developing a hypothesis and then handpicking research subjects who could confirm that hypothesis.

“It’s very difficult to prove that any one factor can increase the human lifespan,” says Dr. Glenn Pratt. “And it’s even harder to find subjects who are currently being hunted by lions. But we did it!” 

After the success of his initial study, Dr. Pratt has begun to test other methods for increasing the human lifespan. Running away from lions might work wonders for some, but it’s not the only option.  

“For me, the secret is lots of rest. Specifically by curling up in a ball and staying very, very still,” says Garrett Hughes, who recently angered a mother bear by getting too close to her cub. 

Meanwhile, Leila Amin believes the answer is “lots of water and absolutely no alcohol,” which she explains while desperately trying to extinguish the fire raging in her kitchen. 

Finally, 119-year-old Shelly Green reveals her secret: “I just chill out in the sun and eat a lot of leaves and grass and milkweed.” 

Shelly is the last surviving Galapagos tortoise on the island of Pinta.