×

<img src="/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/new_head.png" class="logoimg" alt="The Beaverton"/>

National
- National
- Local
- Toronto
- Montreal
- Vancouver
- North
- Campus
- University Reviews
- Canada Votes 2015
World
Sports
- Sports
Business
- Business
Culture
- Culture
- Lifestyle
- Health
- Opinion
- Parenting
- Stats
- Classifieds
BeavFeed
Merch
Support
The Book
Workshops

“Yeah, you’re rock hard,...

<img src="/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/new_head.png" class="logoimg" alt="The Beaverton"/>

National
- National
- Local
- Toronto
- Montreal
- Vancouver
- North
- Campus
- University Reviews
- Canada Votes 2015
Justin Trudeau announces another thing for Poilievre to cancel next year

The Beaverton Is Dying. Unless You Save It

Trudeau to cut immigration so he has less competition for his job search next year

5 funniest options for which Conservative MP engaged in foreign interference

CTV announces 24 nanosecond news cycle

Local woman waiting to return her missed calls until she’s on crowded bus

Forest Hill by-election to show Canada what people without problems think

See you later! Neurodivergent friend discovers crocheting

Rogers ends free Wifi on the TTC after learning it betters life for Canadians

Proposed names for Toronto’s new WNBA team

Amazing! Bald eagles seen living in Toronto with zero roommates!

Toronto Police advise banks to leave big pile of money at the door to avoid being robbed

Just for Laughs Festival files for bankruptcy protection just before jumping out of box wearing gorilla mask

Montreal rioters concerned COVID rules are destroying small businesses before they can destroy small businesses

Toppling of statue causes temporal rift as John A. MacDonald erased from history

Montreal halts road construction until everyone can enjoy it again

Report: Killer Whales actively preparing to bring down a plane

Vancouver considers buying a second snowplow

Vancouver actor moves to L.A. to improve odds of getting cast in shows that shoot in Vancouver

Vancouver removes tents from Eastside unless they can prove they’re a weed shop

Tied Yukon election to be decided by traditional chainsaw throw

Yukon exposed to 2 cases of assholes

Yukon refuses to change clocks back in smug defiance of the will of Demeter

Rest of Canada happy to exchange NWT election results for federal one

York Professor asks for a note from a dictator before agreeing to defer student’s exam

Queen’s students argue their campus outbreak will be way better than Western’s

Gaming the system: Recent 92-year-old university grad gets to die before she pays off her debt

Western University invites David Wooderson from “Dazed and Confused” to speak at convocation

Western University mandate 3 vaccine shots, 15 Jaegermeister shots

Acadia University: The Beaverton University Reviews

Dalhousie University: The Beaverton University Reviews

OCAD University: University Reviews 2014

NDP claim Liberals stole their idea to form majority government

Sun newspapers still reporting Harper majority

90-year-old who has never voted proudly casts first ballot for Social Credit party

Conservatives unveil last minute attack ad accusing Justin of supporting Kansas City
World
Canadians fail to notice difference as global IT outage disrupts airlines, banks, health care

Man angry about 15-minute cities wouldn’t last a day in Europe’s 15-minute countries

Report: Protestor encampment at McGill still cleaner than student residences

Trudeau startled by UK news that long-standing, deeply-unpopular governments must eventually hold elections

Trudeau leaves fifth unanswered voicemail offering to endorse Kamala Harris

Trump campaign desperately hoping Democrats replace Biden with a different frail 81-year-old

UNPRECEDENTED: Aging boomer retires to free up job for someone younger

Biden assures Democrats COVID diagnosis won’t stop him from losing election

Living History: Grandma exchanged letters with John Diefenbaker where he talks about his “Dief Beef”

Toppling of statue causes temporal rift as John A. MacDonald erased from history

Village virgin sick of donating blood to every ritual sacrifice

July 24th, 1967: French President De Gaulle calls for Quebec to surrender, await for international help for liberation
Sports
- Sports
Fans not falling for Oilers ‘maybe we suck’ bullshit this year

Ottawa sends yearly reminder to rest of NHL that it has a hockey team too

NHL fans excited to watch their team’s 5 remaining uninjured players when regular season begins

Rogers promises Leafs, Raptors fans that their teams will be just as successful as current Blue Jays
Business
- Business
Loblaws: “now we need to raise prices because of deflation or whatever”

Loblaws launches for profit food bank

WestJet debuts new slogan: “Air Canada, but somehow worse.”

CBC execs explain why they deserve their bonuses
Culture
- Culture
- Lifestyle
- Health
- Opinion
- Parenting
- Stats
- Classifieds
Fall festival just summer festival with scarecrow

Local man’s “Dave Chappell Roan” Halloween costume hated by all

The biggest celebrity from every province and some guy from PEI too

Ranking all the Shawshank Redemption movies from best to worst

Lame-ass ghost turns out to be metaphor for grief instead of a cool chain-rattling guy

Wild Gen Z prom party wraps up at 9:15 pm

Extreme home makeover? This man washed his sheets

Boy realises the magic really was in that amulet and not inside him in the slightest

“Get well soon!” says woman who doesn’t understand how chronic illness works

Wizard? This woman timed her edible to the end of her workday

As COVID rates skyrocket, health officials warn Canadians to wear plenty of sunscreen

Doug Ford closes Safe Injection Site to make way for new All-You-Can-Drink Booze Guzzler’s Emporium

Editorial: Five ways to use your huge bazongas as literal weapons in the Woke War, by the National Post

Editorial: Women must date unpleasant men, and we’re not just saying that because we’re unpleasant men

You fucking Leafs fans still think I’m the worst Defenceman you’ve ever seen?

Is Buffy Ste Marie actually Indigenous? Six extremely white people weigh in

Physicists launch study of temporal paradox allowing people younger than you to have kids already

Child abuse? This baby is wearing jeans

Toddler guzzling bathwater like Nero at Bacchanal in waning days of Roman Empire

5 tips for betting on NHL preseason games while your whiny children beg you for attention

93% of Canadians will never pay off their blood debts

86% of August e-mail traffic just duelling Out-Of-Office messages

2014 Canadian Federal Budget Preview

Most frequent lies found on online dating profiles

Missed Connections: You were the public urinator on Main and 5th

LOTS OF JARS FULL OF APRICOT PITS.

ESSAY WRITERS NEEDED ASAP. BIG MONEY $$$$$.

UNIVERSITY student seeking mannequin to come alive and be my girlfriend.
BeavFeed
Most popular Thanksgiving Sides in every Province

CBC execs explain why they deserve their bonuses

Five people you hope are not on the Epstein list

Free speech champions explain why it’s OK that people are being cancelled for criticizing Israel

You’re Jason Kenney. Can you find an excuse to get out of going to Calgary Pride?

You just lit off a bunch of fireworks before realizing you were in the Art Gallery of Ontario. Can you save the priceless pieces of art?

You magically turned into a bug! Can you live a happy and fulfilling life?

You have a chance to punch a Nazi. Do you take it?

Quiz: Should you watch Barbie, Oppenheimer or 2008 Canadian WWI drama Passchendaele

Quiz: Who should you vote for in Toronto’s Mayoral Race

Quiz: Who should you vote for in the Alberta Provincial Election

QUIZ: Is it a pyramid scheme or just a regular cult?

Free speech champions explain why it’s OK that people are being cancelled for criticizing Israel

Conservatives explain why Pierre Poilievre attacking ‘globalist elites’ isn’t antisemitic

Liberals explain why they can’t do anything about the housing crisis

Canadians react to Pierre Poilievre’s “sexy” makeover

How To Go Vegan…Next Week

Guide To: Edmonton

Guide To: St.John’s

How To Lose Weight
Merch
Support
The Book
Workshops

https://depositphotos.com/117207700/stock-photo-man-holding-orange-and-basket.html

“Yeah, you’re rock hard, aren’t you?” says man feeling grocery store cucumber

March 5, 2022 by Mark Hill ( @mehil )

News in Photos

See More: Cucumber, Featured Post, groceries, vegetables

Related News

Torontonians offer to let Doug Ford wear “Mayor” sash if he just leaves them alone

Hobgoblin hob-nobs with non-hobgoblin goblins

<img src="/wp-content/uploads/2024/10/canadas-prime-minister-justin-trudeau-speaks-during-d1fa5b-1024-240x150.jpg" width="240" height="150" />

Justin Trudeau announces another thing for Poilievre to cancel next year

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Leave this field empty if you're human:

Most Popular

Pierre Poilievre wins Parliament’s Halloween Costume Contest with spot-on Milhouse
The Beaverton Is Dying. Unless You Save It
Justin Trudeau announces another thing for Poilievre to cancel next year
Torontonians offer to let Doug Ford wear “Mayor” sash if he just leaves them alone

MERCH

<img alt="merch1" src="/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/Merch1.png">

"Local Man Wears Funny T-Shirt" T-Shirt

<img alt="merch2" src="/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/Merch2.png">

"This Is My Winter Coat" Hoodie

<img alt="merch3" src="/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/Merch3.jpg">

"I Thought The Beaverton Was Satire" T-Shirt

<img alt="merch5" src="/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/Merch5.png">

"House Hippo Dad" T-Shirt

Tweets by TheBeaverton Follow @TheBeaverton

<img width="137" src="/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/new_head.png"/>

"North America's Trusted Source of News"

LEGAL

Contest
Disclaimer
Website Terms and Conditions
Cookies Policy
Privacy Policy

ABOUT

About the Show
Masthead
Content Submission Guidelines

Copyright 2010 - 2024 The Beaverton. All rights reserved.