TORONTO – We toured Toronto and discovered five iconic Toronto landmarks that would definitely be more loved as weed shops.
Madison Avenue Pub – At 450 meters from the nearest weed store, these three side-by-side Victorian mansions are smashed together into one of the most confusing pubs in the world. The Maddy’s terrible maze of stairs, vomit encrusted carpets, and theme rooms would be better served as a weed shop.
Horseshoe Tavern – Queen St. West has yet to reach the saturation point of too many weed shops and with the closest one being 240 meters away, the Queen and Spadina intersection is a dispensary desert. The city doesn’t need small, cramped, old music venues catering to emerging talent. It needs weed shops that allow musicians to forget that they have nowhere to play in order to reach their 10,000 hours like the Beatles.
The Bata Shoe Museum – This hideous building rarely has anyone coming in or out of it cause people don’t want to look at dead people’s old, stinky shoes. The postmodern Deconstructivist architecture could be levelled for a weed shop. It would improve the aesthetics of an area that has too much different architecture going on. From the Romanesque Revival of the York Club to the Georgian style Medical Arts Building, a weed shop would tie all the competing architecture into an intersection that says, “Toronto hates architecture and shouldn’t be forced to walk 550 meters for weed.”
Casa Loma – Even Drake’s infamous Bridle Path mansion is bigger than this poor excuse for a castle, and you probably don’t have to travel 600 meters to find weed in his house. This area near George Brown college doesn’t have much going for it. A weed shop would be a welcome sight to those students looking to make class a little more interesting or when they want to forget the crippling anxiety of knowing that no matter their career choice, they will never own a castle, a house, or even a broken down shed in Toronto.
CN Tower – Imagine that instead of paying over $40 bucks per person to ride in an elevator to look out a window, you got to take that ride for free and ended up in a weed shop. You could purchase your kush and then walk out onto the sky deck terrace to smoke. You’d no longer have to walk 400 meters and you’d be high getting high – get it?