MONTREAL – Air Canada, Canada’s largest airline by fleet size, summoned its elemental brethren to the Four Seasons Hotel Montreal this week for their annual meeting to discuss the affairs of the four primordial forces that constitute Canada.
“I was hoping this meeting would be a good chance to clear the ‘air’,” said Rosseau, pausing for laughter. “We’re all civilized primeval beings here, so let’s just say what’s bothering us.”
Earth Canada was the first to speak, breaking the tense silence hanging over the quartet.
“You encroach on my domain, Water. Don’t think that I don’t notice your sea levels rise and your rivers breach their banks.” spoke Earth Canada, voice the sound of boulders tumbling down a canyon.
“How rich, coming from you. You talk about jurisdiction yet how many millions of litres of groundwater are trapped in aquifers across Canada?” retorted Water coolly. “The ground might be yours, but you hardly have the ‘moral high ground’ in this matter.”
Curiously quiet, the normally hot-tempered Fire Canada had little to add other than they were “content with watching Canada burn, figuratively and literally.”
Desperate to calm his siblings before a tsunami devastated Halifax, Rousseau pleaded, “Brothers, sisters, please. This has been a very hard year for everyone. One of the worst in Air Canada’s history, to the point we even had to sell 6.7% of the company to the Government of Canada. But times like these are when you need family more than ever.”
“If you don’t believe me, just look at some of the amazing things you’ve accomplished this year by working together: Water, some of the worst flooding in BC on record. Fire, that scorching heat dome this summer. Earth, the megathrust earthquake planned for 2022.”
Moved by his words, the attendees agreed to halt their elemental Ragnarok for the interim. “Now, if only my shareholders were as reasonable as you guys”, quipped Rosseau, pausing again for laughter.
At press time, Heart and Stroke Canada was rechecking their spam folder to see if their invitation to the elemental summit had been flagged.