TORONTO – Earlier this week Toronto city reporter Glyn Berton penned an op-ed about Horse Cops refusing to clean up their shit as a larger metaphor for the problems of policing in the city. The Spacement Magazine columnist ultimately decided to scrap the essay, feeling like the subject matter was too on the nose to be printed.
“Horse cops just let their horses shit all over the place. In the bike lane. On the road. Even on the sidewalks. The horse shit is obviously disgusting and gross for civilians to deal with, but the cops take no responsibility for the literal shit they leave everywhere they go,” said Berton.
“Also if a robbery or traffic violation happened, wouldn’t riding a horse be hugely detrimental to stopping that crime? And doesn’t owning a horse – especially in a major metropolitan area where horses don’t belong – costs thousands upon thousands of dollars? Even if you somehow thought cops on horses were a good thing, we don’t let dog owners leave shit wherever they go. Shouldn’t the police be held to the same standard as private citizens? Anyways I wrote all that down but couldn’t bring myself to actually publish it. Too obvious.”
Berton’s editor Sean Neatclif was disappointed that Berton ultimately decided to give up on the piece.
“Opinion pieces that are designed to make people angry are the only thing that consistently gets clicks on our website,” said Neatclif. “I was disappointed Berton decided the metaphor was too easy. We could have put a cute photo of a horse as the cover photo. Would have been a big hit.”
At press time Berton could be found sitting in front of his computer, equal parts disappointed with himself and his city’s policies, wondering if anything he writes will ever make anyone care about the issues that matter to him.