BURNABY, BC – An alleged asshole has taken to a website full of assholes to determine once and for all if he is, in fact, an asshole.
“Hey Reddit. Now that I work exclusively from home, I consider doing one hour of data entry over the course of eight hours to be my fair share of housework,” posted user T00tMyOwnHorn, who goes on to describe himself as the head of household. “So I’ve told my resident female girlfriend that I expect her to do literally everything else. After all, I’m no good at laundry or vacuuming, I don’t even know where the dustpan is, and I only miss the bowl, like, 30% of the time tops. So I think she should have to do all of it. AITA?”
T00t received an outpouring of support from fellow assholes on the platform, with such memorable usernames as ImCreepyandIKnowIt34 and ProudIncel6969. Supporters applauded T00t for taking a stand for “traditional values”, and were inspired to share their own tales of asininity.
“Absolutely NTA,” responded FeelingCheeky55, using the acronym for “not the asshole” and unfortunately not for “nothing to add.” “When my chronically ill female girlfriend had the audacity to try to make a vegetarian meal for herself that I refused to eat, I threw a fucking tantrum until she agreed to make me frozen chiccy nuggies that I could have made myself. Stand your ground, man.”
“Definitely not the asshole,” added PiratesBooty1600, whose most frequented websites after Reddit include 4chan, Parler, and the comments section on Samantha Bee YouTube videos. “Since COVID happened, I’ve told my own female girlfriend that because I already have a perfectly good cook in the kitchen, I won’t be spending any money on takeout. No ifs, ands, or buts.”
“Pppffffffftttttttt,” said LiteralAnus421. Their comment received 3000 upvotes.
Screenshots of T00t’s original post eventually made their way to other asshole-filled websites, including Twitter, Facebook, and your Aunt Ruth’s Ravelry page. T00t continued to garner support from assholes across all corners of the Internet, ranging from racists to homophobes to good old-fashioned misogynists.
“This reminds me of that time I told my female girlfriend I couldn’t stand her face so I only wanted to do it from behind,” tweeted DudeusMaximus898. “I’m not an asshole, I’m just an ass man.”
The only user to vote T00t an asshole, ThrowawayAccount247, was unanimously labelled an asshole by the community before being terrorized and doxxed, revealing her identity as T00t’s IRL girlfriend. At press time, they were reported to no longer be together, as she had been forced into hiding while he was on a speaking tour as a Men’s Rights activist.