OTTAWA – A new study indicates that the biggest cause of Canadians repeatedly exclaiming ‘fuck this fucking shit’ is shovelling snow.
“Of all the frustrations that plague us, nothing makes us say this exact combination of words over and over again like having to shovel snow,” said Professor Theodore Faust of the University of Ottawa. “No matter their background, gender, profession or location, shovelling snow just makes Canadians say ‘fuck this fucking shit’ a whole bunch.”
“Usually followed by ‘next year I’m buying a snowblower.’ Even though they never do,” he added.
“Fuck this fucking shit. Fuck this fucking shit. Fuck this fucking shit,” said Toronto resident Nadine Bench as she dug her car out this morning. “Oh fuck this fucking shit!” she added as a snowplow passed and added even more snow to her work.
Other factors that contribute to Canadians making that particular phrase included waking up and seeing it had snowed, driving after it snows and realizing they just finished their last bag of salt.
“It seems to be involuntary for us. Like screaming ‘come on’ at an NHL ref who can’t hear us or yelling ‘why god why? Why would you do this you cruel son of a bitch?’ when you miss your bus,” said Faust.
Unfortunately Canadians’ torment may not be ending anytime soon. The Weather Network says to expect a heavy dumping of this fucking bullshit again tonight, with a decent chance of heavy ‘what the fuck is this now’ winds arriving at the same time.
