WINNIPEG – Premier Brian Pallister strategy to employ volunteers as health care workers during a pandemic is all part of proudly fulfilling Manitoba’s stingy reputation.
As the pandemic tears its way through the province, the thrifty premier has said he’d rather die of some sort of infectious disease than spend another dime on critical, life-saving equipment.
“We have a responsibility to protect people from the coronavirus, but it better not cost us,” explained Pallister looking at his wallet. “That’s why we need to be resourceful by replacing the demand for doctors and nurses with volunteers and use facemasks as tissue paper.”
The Premier said that ambulances will be used for Uber Eats when not on call to offset costs while ICU patients will be transferred to bunk beds to save space.
“We are proud to call $10 tickets to a wedding social “a bit pricey” and this pandemic is no different,” said Pallister with a sparkle in his eye.
Elderly residents will die happy knowing that one day the provincial budget will be balanced, explained Pallister.
“Unless of course, they’re ads about how well our province is responding to the pandemic. That’s worth every penny.”