SARPEDON – In a controversial move that has confused and angered people from all over the political spectrum, the Greek mythological figure Medusa has been replacing recently removed statues of problematic historical figures with new racist statues that she will make out of racist humans, using her powers to turn people into statues by looking at them.
Political commentators are confused about what, if anything, Medusa intends with this statement.
“We just tore down a bunch of statues,” said Kali Holloway of the Make it Right project, dedicated to the removal of confederate monuments. “Now Medusa is going to make a bunch of new ones? Why? Does she think she’s helping?”
“I’m scared, quite frankly,” said Don Black, who owns and operates the white supremacist website Stormfront.org. “While I’m honoured that there will be a statue of me to commemorate my achievements in the field of white supremacy, I also don’t want to die by being made into a statue. Also if enough racists like myself are made into statues, it will be hard to get the word out on how great racism is.”
Medusa famously has living venomous snakes for hair and can turn anyone to stone just by looking at them, but her views on racism and the removal of statues are unknown. Many observers have noticed that the new statues look a bit different than the statues of Robert E. Lee and Christopher Columbus they are replacing.
“It’s going to take a while to get used to this statue of a guy eating a hot dog, wearing a MAGA hat and holding a tiki torch” said Richmond, Virginia resident Rob Gutman. “But it fills the empty podium in the middle of that traffic circle, and frankly I was getting tired of Jim’s bullshit. So, thanks, Medusa?”
At press time, groups of protestors were swarming state legislatures across the world, contesting laws prohibiting looking at Medusa in the face. These protestors carried signs saying “my body my choice” and ignored government directives to carry a Mirrored Shield of Athena at all times because they are “uncomfortable to haul around.”
