LINDSAY, ON – Mere moments after local tooth owner James McKenzie confidently bragged to an American friend over the phone about the quality of Canadian healthcare, his impacted upper right 3rd molar chuckled softly to itself, impatient to prove the man hilariously wrong.
McKenzie’s gloating about the state of Canadian healthcare was followed by a brief pain caused by the molar in question, which McKenzie brushed off as a freak occurrence instead of an indication of the financially devastating medical procedures sure to come.
“He doesn’t know it yet, but this guy’ll be hurting bad in a day or so… it’s getting pretty crowded up here,” the buried wisdom tooth remarked. “Jim’s got a big mouth, but not big enough to avoid the thousands of dollars in private dentistry bills he’s gonna have to swallow.”
The tradition of Canadians making self-aggrandizing remarks about their country’s healthcare dates back to the passing of the Canada Health Act in 1984, despite the fact that the Act purposefully excluded dental and prescription coverage in an effort to keep the Canadian population humble.
“Honestly, I’m grinning just thinking about Jim getting egg on his face,” the the wisdom tooth remarked. “Which is even better when I think about all the fuckin’ scrambled eggs he’ll have to eat after I’ve moved on.”
Jim’s eyes, inspired by the upcoming dental disaster, have announced plans to further stick it to their boastful owner by warping by a tenth of a tenth of a millimeter, requiring a lifetime of private optometry costs.
