QUEEN’S PARK – Just days after taking office, Doug Ford has cut education costs in Ontario by firing all 113,672 full time teachers, and replacing them with Gary, a retired cop who has ‘seen some things’.
“I’m always hearing people talk about how we need more, not less, investment in our crumbling educational infrastructure,” said Ford. “Lucky for us, Gary here went to the crumbling educational infrastructure of hard knocks.”
Policy experts have lashed out at Ford, saying that, by increasing class sizes to the point where there’s only one, giant class of 2 million kids, he’s almost as bad as Mike Harris.
Although the loss of 113,000 middle-class jobs has destroyed the Province’s economy, Conservative economists say, if it reduces the deficit, it’s worth increasing the deficit.
“Alright kids, put away your books, it’s time to learn about the real world,” said Gary, to the Province’s 2,006,700 students. “This is how you racially profile.”
“I’m gonna need a couple volunteers.”
While many parents are concerned that math has been replaced with ‘busting some heads’ on the curriculum, they’re glad the controversial sex-ed curriculum has been replaced with ‘some stories about ‘my days on the vice squad, heh heh heh.’
This is the biggest education policy shift in North America since Doug Ford announced his plan to also replace every doctor in the province with the same retired cop.