Dave Hendershot of Collingwood, Ontario wouldn’t let irritable bowels get in the way of sending a message that Canada won’t be pushed around by the Clown-in-Chief.
“Canada has every right to regulate the production and price of dairy products,” said a stalwart Hendershot opening the carton of Beatrice 1% milk on a Facebook Live video. “I haven’t consumed any dairy products since I was three, but this is something I have to do for Canada.”
Mr. Small Hands Maniac would have trembled with reverence had he been there to witness the sweet bovine nectar soaking Hendershot’s clothing as it ran out of the carton and down onto his face.
Canadian hearts were filled with pride as this brave citizen gulped down the partially skimmed milk in less than a minute. His senses appeared sharp as well-aged Canadian cheddar before he started to bloat.
“Canada refuses to be dictated to the orange-skinned buffoon,” said the hunched over patriot whose small intestines refuses to be dictated to by lactase enzymes.
In between his spouts of projectile vomiting, Hendershot declared “You’ll never take away our quota system, Trump!” and “Eat my chunky Canadian cottage cheese, you Russian mango prick!”
Like a fearless lumberjack who was also lactose intolerant and drank milk, Hendershot staggered over to his own version of an outhouse to sing O Canada and The Maple Leaf Forever for the next 2-3 hours while the diarrhea passed.
Cry-baby Frump won’t get what he wants thanks to patriots like these. Don’t fuck with the Canadian Dairy Commission.