TORONTO – A newly leaked poll from EKOS research shows that Ontarians are poised to be the losers in the upcoming provincial election.
“The popular vote is deadlocked between the NDP and the Cons,” said EKOS president Frank Graves in a tweet. “But the people of Ontario lag far behind the Greens, Libertarians, and even the Go Vegan party.”
These disappointing poll numbers for Ontarians are consistent with who is likely to become their next leader: a fake populist made popular by the unpopularity of the current government. They are also in line with the next-likeliest prospect: a real populist made popular by the popularity of the fake populist.
Despite implicit and explicit promises by the leaders all three major parties to “stand up for the little guy,” the latest EKOS poll tells a different story, and ordinary citizens of Ontario doubt the next premier will stand up for anybody “but themselves.”
“Ford calls me a friend, but I don’t build condos or sell drugs, so that can’t be true,” said little gal from Ontario Anna Tamjidi. “Horwath… I guess I don’t mind her, but she’s not going to win, is she?”
EKOS insists the latest results are accurate, as statistical methods have improved since November 2016, when the polls heavily favoured Americans but the Russians ended up winning.