Looking to take your sex life to the next level but finding yourself cash strapped? Think the hefty price tag and aerial nature of a sex swing is too extravagant for you? Well then dust off that IKEA PÖANG chair that hasn’t known the pleasure of human touch in years, and get to humping!
First step is to access your wooden relationship saviour. Is it still in mint condition? Can its frame still handle the gentle swinging of your body weight? How did this chair even get into your house? You don’t necessarily remember buying it… and yet you cannot recall ever not having it.
Next, drag the chair out from the corner of your room and dump the laundry that it has accumulated onto the floor, it doesn’t matter where – messy is sexy!
Once set up, call forth your lover and have them sit down. And then kinda wedge your legs under the arm rests so you’re making as much nervous eye contact as possible. Or maybe not – this hurts too much.
Back to square one. Have your partner stretch out their sore quads using the back of the PÖANG for support. Another upscaled use for this affordable seating option! Once you talk them back into it, have them sit down and jump onto their lap. Lean into the swaying of the chair – danger is sexy!
After a couple of adrenaline filled minutes, peek over your shoulder and ask your partner if they’re “good.” Sensually peel your sweaty skin for the imitation leather and pat each other on the back for both your resourcefulness and sexual prowess, and vow to never try this again.
