Waterloo, ON – After year of speculation experts agree the seemingly pleasant 95 year old German man, Charles Müller, probably just served as a cook or some other low level position during WWII.
“He seems so nice, and although his age and the vastness of the atrocity make him not being complicit statistically improbable, I’m sure he was just a cook or something.” said Müller’s next door neighbour Patty Nejks. “We all know that nice people never do terrible things to other people.”
This is not the first time that people have speculated on Müller’s past. Although Waterloo residents have limited themselves to theorising, Müller was asked about his past directly when he emigrated to Canada from Argentina in the 1970’s. Then then 45 year informed immigration officials that he “was probably just a cook or something”
“We can’t put a country’s history on one person” said elementary school teacher Erik Briggs “That’s a slippery slope that could lead to bringing criminal charges against those who are still alive and were responsible for the systematic abuse in residential schools.”
When asked where he was in the 1940’s Müller simply replied “Europe”. He also stated that he was “working” and deflected any further questions with “it is not polite to talk politics.”
“I guess I just choose to compartmentalize things cause it’s easier” said mail carrier Kaitlin Lock “besides do you know how awkward it would be to run a 95 year old out of the neighbourhood.”
Experts have concluded that someone with such nice art on their wall could not be a bad person.
